Storm-Shadow: Jedi Debut

There's no real reason Star Wars thematics can not be coordinated with other genres and types of 'fantasy-storytelling,' allowing us to connect offbeat 'subculture' comic book characters (e.g., Marvel's Deadpool, G.I. Joe's Storm-Shadow, etc.) and paranoia-empiricism films (e.g., Escape from Cannibal Farm, Pathfinder, etc.) with adventure-pensive Star Wars characters (e.g., Darth Revan, Rey, etc.).

Here's a multi-genre fan-fic I cooked up about a 'wasteland-esque quest' that has some definite 'Jedi-aspiration overtones' (even if a bit gothic!).

Enjoy!


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Storm-Shadow (a ninja) trained to be a pensive vigilante in the Himalayas of Nepal, where he worshipped Lord Shiva (Hindu god of destruction) about self-control and anger. Storm-Shadow decided to join the international super-terrorist organization Cobra, where he planned to infiltrate its ranks and assassinate the evil emperor Serpentor (a genetically-engineered fascist!). While working for Cobra and scheming to kill Serpentor, Storm-Shadow learned about a strange cultural oddity from the beautiful female Cobra consultant Baroness.

"I will tell you, Storm-Shadow, of a terrible reality in American culture. The proliferation of unfocused movies (countless) leads impressionable American youngsters to believe there is a lack of reliable role models in society. Youth troubled by domestic and community troubles are inspired to turn to crime, and Cobra seeks to recruit these youths into its 'army of drones'! We seek to be like the 'Sith' (the Satanic enemy of the naively Utopian 'Jedis')."

When Baroness told Storm-Shadow this, Storm-Shadow decided to travel to the crime-eccentric U.S. state of Texas, where he began spying on a bizarre family hiding in a large old house outside Dallas. This family (the Hewitts) was 'led' by a brutish cannibal named Leatherface who killed cops (with a chainsaw!) and used their body-parts to make decorations, furniture, and entrees. Leatherface's mother Bertha was a manic and frustrated woman, and his little brother Evans was literally a hostage of hell.

Storm-Shadow knew Evans would be a doomed 'recruit' of Cobra (if Evans was never helped), so Storm-Shadow decided to intervene (dismissing any Cobra command by telling Baroness that he was involved in 'recruitment field research'). Storm-Shadow spied the Hewitt house for an entire summer, watching what Evans did to try to avoid the Satanic influence of his older brother Leatherface. Unfortunately for Evans, a neighbour (a beautiful and untrustworthy witch named Evelyn) was plotting to destroy Evans.

Evans once delivered some butchered meat (veal) to Evelyn's house (since Leatherface worked at the meat-factory as a 'crime-activity cover'), and when Evelyn opened the door, Evans giggled and said, "Wow! You're beautiful, but you look like a witch!" Evelyn took these words to heart and vowed to ruin Evans' hopes, and when Storm-Shadow overheard Evelyn talking about this memory to herself in her house, Storm-Shadow realized he would have to save Evans from both Leatherface and Evelyn!

Storm-Shadow broke into the Hewitt house one Saturday night, kidnapped Evans and his mother Bertha, and drove away with them in his stolen van. When Evans explained he and his mother needed to return to their home or Leatherface would stalk them across the Earth, Storm-Shadow explained he was taking them to a secret castle in Sweden where they would never be found. Storm-Shadow took them to their haven and then returned to Cobra's base and convened with Baroness and continued his plan to assassinate Serpentor.

"Storm-Shadow Diary Entry Summer 2017:

It is peculiar to me how culture creates mob psychology and individual insanity. All of this arises from the pure lack of pity between human souls. I rescued Evans and his mother from a pit of purgatory, where they had no choice but to submit to the unrelenting intentions of both Leatherface and their unruly witch-neighbor Evelyn (a vengeful and dangerous woman). If this is the kind of 'army recruitment' suited for Cobra, then my quest to kill the Cobra-emperor Serpentor is more than justified. All I know now is that leadership in America requires a meditation on republican Utopianism, so I will continue to remember what I learned while brooding on the power-teachings of Lord Shiva! Perhaps someday, Shiva will consider me...some type of Jedi (like Anakin Skywalker!)."

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THE HEWITTS & EVELYN THE WITCH: