The Star Wars Writing Prompt Thread

I'm gonna spitball here and just flow where the story takes me. It's more of a micro-fiction at best this week, but maybe next week it'll be longer. No drafts, no editing. NO BETA WE DIE LIKE GLENN/MEN/WOMEN/HUMANS.

Purple. A chill went through my body. What an odd color. Purple was seen as the color of royalty on many planets, or so I've been told. And yet, the Jedi never seemed to use it. Until now at least. Then again, purple might defeat the purpose of their false humility. I turned off the blade, slipping the cool metal into hidden pocket in my jacket. Whichever Jedi thug lost it could surely afford to make a new one.

Purple...that's what these days have felt like for so long now. Not a pure purple like the blade. No, it was corrupted purple. A blight. A royal blue like the skies of stories and fairytales, tainted with rust and anger and blood. Tonight was different. It was...red. Pure, agonizing red.

But why? I couldn't place it. People undulated around me, moving away from the sirens and the screams. Nothing stopped life on Coruscant after all. Not a war, not a plague, and most certainly not one unimportant death. Still, I shivered. Did nobody feel that? Slowly I merged with the crowd. The sirens' wails were closer now, but they ignored me. It was dark and the streets were crowded. I moved faster, trying to fight off the chill. Why couldn't anyone feel it?

Maybe...maybe it was time for a vacation. Yes, surely that's what my gut had been saying for the past couple of days. Ziana always wanted to go to Jedha for some reason. Might as well oblige her.

 

Im almost done!

--- Double Post Merged, Sep 6, 2020, Original Post Date: Sep 6, 2020 ---

nice idea with the jedi not using purple because of their false humilty.

 

Thanks! I'm not entirely sure that's the reason, but it's definitely how this character views it. (Personally I'm more partial to the idea that Jedi consider purple more corrupt than not, since it's a mix of "Jedi" blue and "Sith" red. So Jedi who use purple are seen as having a higher risk to fall to the Dark Side. This is completely false, but it's a myth and stigma that's continued through until the end of the PT Jedi Order.)

 

I was on Corusant, actually right below the Senate building, and I was really trying to blend in because I don't belong there and getting caught would probably mean another stint in a hard labor camp like Wobani or Kessel. But you know how it goes, the harder you try to look like you belong somewhere the more you seem to stand out. I've heard the trick is to not try but just to believe you belong there. And that's probably good advice for most people in most situations, but not for me, and definitely not for the Senate building. You see, the Senate and me are just about as opposite as can be. They've got wealth and power, I'm a runaway slave. I don't know how to act like wealth or power because I've never seen it. Sure, I've seen the Boss and the Overseers exercise power, but even I know that's different from what the Senate does. Well, maybe not that different in some ways. It's all about control, after all. But I've heard the Senate talks about the best way to solve a problem until they all agree. The Boss would probably half one of our air rations for even suggesting that.

Anyway, I'm sure you don't want to hear my entire life story. You want to hear about the little metal tube that fell from the Senate building. I get that. And I'd rather not talk about myself anyway. I am being hunted, you know, and the more you know about me - don't look at me like that, I didn't say you'd sell me out. I trust you. You've got that look about you, like you understand what it means to live in hiding. But just because you wouldn't sell me out doesn't mean you won't let something slip. No offense, I'm just being cautious. Anyway, there's a reason I'm telling you this, even though it could land me in trouble. Because you won't understand why I did what I did with that metal tube unless you know a little bit about my situation. I'm a runaway slave who keeps running to the places I feel least comfortable fitting in because that's where they're not going to look for me.

All right, the tube. The trooper who questioned me tried to get me to admit I threw it at the glass window, breaking it. But that isn't what happened. It couldn't have happened that way, wanna know why? Because the glass fell first. The tube didn't fall for another half minute. You're looking at me like you don't believe me. You might choose not to believe a runaway slave, but I know what I saw. The glass fell first, the tube fell later.

The tube itself was real shiny. It looked almost ornamental, you know? Not like a tool, but more like a piece of art that should be on display. Look, I've stowed away on transports and shoplifted for awhile now, and even though I've gotten pretty good at it, I still feel guilty about it, every time. So when this museum piece falls from the sky at my feet, well, I thought maybe it was meant to happen. Maybe I could sell it and not have to shoplift anymore. That's what I was thinking when I picked it up.

Then the blade came out and I almost dropped it. My first thought was it was some sort of anti-theft thing. The light and the noise both scared me and I fumbled it a bit, but almost as soon as it happened I realized what I was holding. It was a Jedi lightsaber. And I was mesmerized.

I stared into the blade, wondering what it all meant. Was I being chosen? Was this my calling to go back and free my tribe? I heard something above me that sounded like electricity arcing and I thought this was part of, um, this sign from the Ancestors. You look amused at my foolishness, and thinking back, I'm amused at it too. But I really believed for a moment the Ancestors were calling me to free my tribe by gifting me a Jedi lightsaber. Odd, because I haven't believed in the Continuum of the Ancestors since I was a child. But imagine it from my point of view. A runaway slave, the being in the Galaxy with the least power of all, in the seat of all the power of the Republic, when a Jedi lightsaber, the very symbol of liberation and rescue, falls at my feet? While the sky bursts with electricity above?

Then that dead guy fell from the sky, and suddenly I understood I wasn't being called by the Ancestors, I was being framed for his murder.

Look, I'm sorry about the trooper. Killing him goes against everything I believe in, and I've regretted it ever since I did it. But the moment I did it was just instinct. If I had stopped to think about what I was doing I wouldn't have done it, but that's the thing - I didn't stop to think. Ironic, because I haven't thought of anything else since.

Can a clone join the Continuum? In a sense they have Ancestors, but in another sense they don't, and even though I don't believe, I find it frustrating to not know the answer. I think I could find some peace if I knew.

Well, there is no more to tell you. That's how I came into possession of this thing, and although I had it for only a few minutes, it turned me into a murderer. I no longer want it. Keep it if you dare, but if I were you, I would get rid of it.

 

the beginning reads like the intro to a goosebumps book. Very nice!

 

Hey guys. So, um, I wrote something using the prompt. It got away from me a little bit. Wound up being over 20 pages and around ten thousand words... I'd like to share it, but due to the length, I'm not sure if it would be okay to post it here, or if I should post it elsewhere and just post a link here. Any ideas?

Edit: Nevermind. I'll just put it on fanfiction dot net and post a link when it's good to go.

 

I've had that happen...multiple times...
Anyways, I look forward to reading it!

 

Woohoo! Finally finished editing!

Here goes, hope you enjoy!

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14100866/1/Kedrin-s-Tale

 

Hey, @KesselRunner. Busy times, busy times, and I've got the plague to boot, but I had a chance to take a look at your tale. Didn't read it all through, though... much business and 10k words are a handful of 'em

Generally speaking, I found this to be a good read with much setting immersion and large cast of colorful characters. I can in all honesty say that I’ve read published, well lauded authors writing far worse than this. Of course, there are issues in the text – ‘cause there always are – but especially for a fresh manuscript that hasn’t gone through a brutal editor yet, this was pretty good, sir!


So, here I come, trying to play the part of the brutal editor


First of all, it is annoying that the site where you posted the piece won’t let me copy text off of it. That makes referencing and exemplifying it a hassle, as I have to type out sentences if I want to highlight something. That is not a criticism of you writing, though, just me venting frustration. Oh, well…



Secondly, you have lots of describing going on in your text, including people describing actions and motives to one another rather than letting us see/experience said things as they happen. Sometimes, characters describe what they are about to do before they do it, so that we actually consume/experience it twice. If you haven’t already, get used to hearing the feedback shorthand of “show, don’t tell”. It is annoying as hell, but it is always pertinent and always correct, unfortunately.

(We all do the telling bit too much… It is a trap of our medium, of writing, which is in its nature passive, descriptive, and story-telling'y. The trick is to train yourself to spot and deal with it in situ; that helps a lot, letting you make things happen in your story, rather than to have things happening to the story – if that made any sense. Basically, try to let the reader take part in the experience of what is going on rather than having them observe it from afar, so to speak – put the reader in the action).

Also, about describing, you could shave text all over your piece. Like myself, you write sentences that are longer and clunkier than they need to be. Let’s do an example.

Original sentence:
Kedrin could only imagine what they looked like, a ball of fire rising out of the darkness like some kind of backwards meteor. <-- That’s a great image, and I really like it. Kudos. But you spend a lot of words getting there, and you make your point – (“ball of fire”/”meteor”) – twice.

Shaved version:
Kedrin imagined they looked like a ball of fire rising out of the darkness. <-- This version is achieved only by cutting 9 words (and re-conjugating one verb), no additions, no re-structuring, no actual re-writing. And, by getting rid of distractions your striking image of the ship blazing like a meteor through the sky, stands stronger and bolder, on its own. (I really struggle with overwritten sentences myself, and this is a good example of why short and specific sentences can be more efficient and dramatic).

To take the example a little bit further, I’d probably also re-write it slightly, possibly dropping the Kedrin reference completely (although this is more a matter of taste thing), and change the subject to make it more specific.
Something like:
To onlookers, their ship resembled a ball of fire rising out of the darkness. <-- This makes it slightly less passive than “Kedrin imagined”, and it also establishes that it is their ship, rather than the more general “they” who looks like a shooting star going up. And finally, I find “resembled” here feels more elegant than “looked like”, but again, that’s really a matter of taste.​

Now, thirdly, speaking of passive voice. Don’t start/begin actions. Starting/beginning actions are not interesting, DOING actions are. Starting/beginning are unnecessary qualifiers that only succeed in stalling the upcoming action.

Example:
Passive: The knight began to draw his sword and Arthur ran for his life.
Active: The knight drew his sword and Arthur ran for his life.
The latter is more immediate, more exciting and dramatic. Nothing is gained by slowing the action down.​

Ok, this was a quick and, to be honest, rather random edit note, but I hope you find it helpful at least. And remember, it is always a hundred times easier to critique and edit a text than it is to actually write the damn things, so don’t get discouraged, here. Similarily, it is a hundred times easier to spot faults in another writer's text than in one's own

As I noted, you’re doing a lot better than most, ESPECIALLY considering this is an amateur fan-fic work with no benefit of professional editing and all that. Good work, mate

Also, I've entirely glossed over the fact that your language is very strong. I didn't spot any typoes, punctuation weirdness, or other mistakes on my quick read, and it really shows that you're conscious of your craft.

 

Thank you very much for your feedback! These are exactly the kinds of things I need to hear. I had been over it and over it, trying to edit the thing but it takes another set of eyes to really make something better. Also, thank you for your encouragement. It really means a lot. I've been writing recreationally for about twenty years now, but this is the first time I've had other fans read my stuff.

 

You are very welcome, sir. Writing is hard, really hard, and I know well how important both encouragement and meaningful feedback is.

I'm lucky enough to have a handful of friends who like reading the absolute soil that I "write" as first drafts, and they give great advice, making editing and 2nd drafting fun

But yeah, getting eyes on one's work is important. Also, hiring professional proof readers & editors is very helpful.