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A New Hope - My (Ongoing) Rewrite

Discussion in 'General Movie Discussion' started by Jayson, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. Jayson

    Jayson Rebel Official

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    In another thread, @Darth Wardawg asked about my mention of my work on rewriting ANH...


    So I decided I would just make a thread on this project that I can update over time as I get chances and for people to discuss and question.

    Now, I've re-written ANH a few times, but I've thrown the other ones away (and one, which I might have kept, was lost when a digital account expired and I didn't realize it - always make local backups in your cloud!).

    I started this version just over a year ago, completed the narrative planning, and got about 10 pages (practically nothing in the world of screenplays), and then life stepped in and I haven't gotten back to working on it more...which I do want to do at some point when I can figure out how to squeeze this in between helping run a netlabel, making music, working on my amateur astrophysics projects, working on writing a book of essays (possibly on films)...I've decided that I really enjoy writing as an essayist and based on feedback from around here, there's a demographic of folks who enjoy my style - but it's a big undertaking, working at my regular job, and making sure not to neglect my love of family time with my two daughters and wonderful wife!

    So since it could be a good while before I get this moving in the right direction more towards a completion, I figured I could at least deliver the first 10 pages as I think even as it is, it's pretty remarkably different. It's only a first draft, and I'm no Lawrance Kasdan, but hey - I'm giving a swing!

    There will undoubtedly be questions as to why I chose to do things the way they end up, and there are thought out reasons for the remarkable differences.

    One very big difference is that most of the first act of ANH has been chopped out, Ben has been removed from the film (kind of....though, in hopes of getting somewhere down the road, I'll leave out the rest regarding that and leave it as a teaser of a question), and Luke is pushed up to a fully more realized Jedi almost immediately rather than waiting for him to get up to novice level by the end of the film.

    It also shifts Leia around to being a bit more strong than she would read today in the original ANH script. For the time, she was strong, but much of her antics today don't strike us as "strong" for a woman in today's world. In fact, they kind of appear a bit weak and somewhat like "wannabe strong women" are cast like - like Joan Wilder in Romancing the Stone...not that bad, but still...she can be seen more kin to this than what she was seen as in 1976. So I've given her a bit more power and force; punched up her strong jaw and self-conviction.

    It should be remembered that THIS rewrite ignores ALL other Star Wars films and materials and only works with what's in ANH.

    The idea is to put myself into a position as if Star Wars never happened and I just received the old script for ANH from the dust closet today and I was tasked with doing a rewrite to bring the dead script into the 21st century.

    And the only reason that I'm doing this, really, is just because it's fun and it helps me practice writing in a form I'm not particularly strong at writing in - screenplays (dialogue is my biggest struggle....mostly, I've been a script-doctor for other folks in the indie-film circuit when they get their first drafts done - I run through with a red pen and offer suggestions).

    I've only ever actually written one script before (and that was decades ago, and by now, it's no longer relevant because spoof films are more than played out - but back in 2000, they weren't really a thing yet).

    Anyway, here's the link to the PDF of the 10 pages.
    https://www.dropbox.com/s/8d9r6xtwemcbb3j/Script Rewrite.pdf?dl=1

    Cheers,
    Jayson
     
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  2. Darth Wardawg

    Darth Wardawg Force Sensitive

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    I will read this when I get home. I really can't wait to check it out.
     
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  3. Jayson

    Jayson Rebel Official

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    I forgot to mention this, but don't be afraid to offer criticism. I'm not emotionally attached to the script. If something strikes you as sloppy, feel free to say so. I'm not a screenplay master. :)
    Oh, and typos abound.

    Also, I didn't mention before, but this rewrite also has a couple goals:
    1) Increase the pulp fiction (genre, not the film) air. (more Indiana Jones-ish)
    2) Cut the 1st act entirely and make the film effectively two acts. No 2nd act sorrow and dispair. No upbeat act 1, down beat act 2, upbeat act 3. Act 1 is both intro and dispair. Thrill has one escalating direction like shifting gears in a race car, rather than up-down-up roller coaster.
    3) Make Luke more like Han was in the original (a helping hero, rather than the prime mover of the plot), and the plot more clearly centered around Leia. (The original is a tad muddled because Leia actually has all the motivation plot balls in her court - everything is related to her world and situations, but we're compelled to think in terms of Luke's motivations as if he is the cause for progress, and we focus on him to a fault...e.g. Alderaan).

    Cheers,
    Jayson
     
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  4. Darth Wardawg

    Darth Wardawg Force Sensitive

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    I like it. Good job dude. Very interesting way to ad your own take while staying true to the original.
     
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  5. Messi

    Messi Force Sensitive

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    The first act of ANH is the one I like the most in the movie but your script has an interesting and different aspect about the droids and the posible encounter of Luke and Ben.

    First of all: you changed the design of R2 but kept the original design of C3P0, right?

    The droids were sent to Tatooine as the same way seen in the movie? And they were directly to Ben's house or Luke met C3P0 as seen in the movie?

    How Luke met Han and Chewie? He went to the cantina in Mos Eisley all by himself I imagine.

    How did Ben died? Like Yoda in ROTJ or he was found by the empire and killed?

    I liked how Ben hide the saber inside R2 like Luke did in ROTJ.

    Hope you continue your script. It was cool.
     
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  6. Jayson

    Jayson Rebel Official

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    Ditto, and thanks!

    Interestingly, no. All character descriptions are as they were written in the 4th draft of ANH (the only public version of the script closest to the movie).
    That's just how R2 was written.
    I'll adjust those small bits once the large brush strokes are filled in.

    We don't know. It's, so far, not stated.
    No where is it actually shown where the plans are, nor do we know how Luke has the droids. He just does.

    It's not discussed but probably not.

    It's not shown or talked about. Luke met Han somewhere and got a ride. That's all that was needed, so that's what's been shown.

    I haven't worked that out yet. I have the basic form - Vader. However, the details keep changing so I just left "(Ben's death)" as a place holder until later.

    Actually...Luke has the saber. This is the second time Luke has seen this message; he's showing it to Han. We don't know how the carrier unit and saber were sent.

    But, I do have plans for an R2 saber moment.

    Oh, I think I will. :)
    Thanks!

    Cheers,
    Jayson
     
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  7. Messi

    Messi Force Sensitive

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    Ah 0k. English is not my mother language and probably I've missed something during the reading.
     
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  8. Jayson

    Jayson Rebel Official

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    It's actually good that you pointed it out, because this is an issue I have to juggle.
    The story is so well known that assumptions exist in the reader's mind based on the original, and if there is any vague opening in the text, then those assumptions will be made.

    All I have to do here, for example, is have the saber established.
    For example, when Ben's hologram says Saber, Luke can reach down and touch the saber on his belt.
    This establishes that it's already out of R2, which then also doubles as establishing that Luke must have already seen this message.

    I can further clarify in the part Luke speaks of the comm unit what viewing device it was originally from.

    Cheers,
    Jayson
     
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  9. Jayson

    Jayson Rebel Official

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    Here's an earlier copy of the original ANH script where I went through and marked up alterations I was thinking of, and working out arrangements.

    https://www.dropbox.com/s/qtn942op2v2bnno/star wars a new hope.pdf?dl=0

    This isn't the same approach I'm using now, but I figured it might be interesting to some folks.
    Note: my handwriting is terrible, so if you want to know what is written and can't make it out, just ask me. I'll type it in a reply. :)

    Cheers,
    Jayson
     
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  10. Bluemilk

    Bluemilk I AM the Senate

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    One thing to me that wouldn't work in today's time is not enough Vader. He really isn't in it that much at all. In fact something like 12 minutes.

    I use to write screenplays but haven't done it in a few years or so. Anyway, I'm reading what you have done.
     
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