Featured GAME [Interactive Comic] Old Republic Paint Adventures

I apologize for the late update, but I was waiting for more suggestions to pile up.

You come to a prudent decision to sell your PURLOINED PAZAAK CARD of INFINITE MONEY MAKING POTENTIAL for QUICK N' CHEAP SPACE BUCKS because, let's be honest here... you have not invested even a single point into the almighty pazaak attribute. No, apparently BOOZE is more important to you than EARNING the SHINIES.

You decide to make your way to the individual clad in his INDIGO-COLORED ARMOR because your BIG, EXPERIENCED TOYDARIAN NOSE has SNIFFED his CREDITS OUT! You try to BREAKDANCE your way through as a RITE OF PASSAGE, but the Rust Legionnaires just won't budge.

You'll have to find another way in.



Oh... well THAT works, I suppose.



You demand the MONIES from this SHADY INDIVIDUAL, a PROPER ROGUE THROUGH and THROUGH, in exchange for the TIEBREAKER CARD. The SHADY INDIVIDUAL, on the other hand, goes on some kind of a RANT about his LIFE'S STORY or SOMETHING. You have no choice but to COMPLY to his RAMBLINGS, knowing that CREDITS AWAIT at the end of his TRAGIC TALE.



"I was once like you. An ANGSTY-RIDDEN GAMBLER, a ROUGH AND TUMBLE BOUNTY HUNTER searching for the ODD JOB or TWO to make some HARD EARNED CASH."



"I was flipping tables like nobody back in my glory days and a GREEN WOMAN named SIVA contacted me for the job that would change my life forever. I was to find the TWO FUGITIVES for some DARTH AN'TAA GANIS or something and so the two of us SET OUT to COMPLETE my CONTRACT."



"SIVA and I got SEPARATED but I managed to track down the SMUGGLERS to their CRASH SITE on some frozen piece of a wasteland, HOTH, if I remember correctly. And boy, let me tell you about my deep-seated anger towards snow. It's so COARSE and ROUGH and it JUST GETS EVERYWHERE ALL THE GODDAMN TIME!"

"But let's not get off-track here. Upon finding the scoundrels I had a CHANGE OF HEART and joined up with them instead. Soon enough, we were planning the BIGGEST HEIST of OUR LIVES."



"A SITH LORD ALLY of theirs joined up quickly afterwards and the four of us decided to split the contract money and stage a fake collection of their bounties. Just about EVERYONE was against us, but our plan worked in the end and that was all that mattered. I haven't seen them ever since, and I've returned to NAR SHADDAA to lay low right at the doorsteps of my employer. Smart, isn't it?"



"But the story didn't end there, though. Remember how I said that I used to be a gambler? Well, there was this guy, an ALDERAANIAN NOBLE who kept contacting me, something about investing my CREDIT FUNDS in his ALDERAANIAN BANK ACCOUNT, so that we could QUADRUPLE our EARNINGS via some SUPPOSED INHERITANCE that I received. I, of course, gave him all my money so I could have all twenty million credits to myself."

"Turns out, the noble was just a SIMPLE CONMAN making his way in the universe and now I've lost all my fortune. I guess, in hindsight, this shouldn't be so surprising."



THE FLUKE realized that you pretty much stopped listening once it was obvious he was broke all along. You decided to do something more worth your time and look at the PRETTY PURPLE PLANT. Maybe this will help CLANKUS' ANGER ISSUES?



You snatch a COUPLE of LEAVES most inconspicuously, though you're pretty sure that NO ONE GIVES a DAMN.



You OFFER the LEAVES to CLANKUS who is SUSPICIOUS of your intentions at first, but eventually GIVES IN and TAKES a PROPER WHIFF of the STUFF. He's not sure WHAT the BIG DEAL is, seeing as how he doesn't FEEL a THING.

No wait...



He's feeling it.

Oh yes, he is MOST DEFINITELY FEELING IT.

You have SUCCESSFULLY PACIFIED CLANKUS.



BALDY has returned! Seeking retribution for ripping him off with that FAKE DEAL of YOURS! CLANKUS is TOO HIGH and MIGHTY right now to be fighting alongside you and he FALLS DOWN to admire the EXQUISITE CEILING of the LOUNGE. He SWEARS it looks so SUBLIME and... RUSTIC from this angle.

You are now SURROUNDED by RUST LEGIONNAIRES on ALL SIDES with no one COMBAT WORTHY to help you.

What do you do?

 

It's not a proper filler episode without extensive pointless flashbacks! Duh.

Also, I'd like to thank you all for being here for the ride. We've just been featured by the mighty @Viral Hide here, which is obviously good news for the series. To all the new users who find us via the super fat awesome icon sitting ocasionally at the top of this fine forum, I have this to say: Welcome to the thread and may the Farce be with you!

 

You OPT for the GOOD OL' TRICK of FARCE PERSUASION to make BALDY SEE THINGS YOUR WAY. On the other hand, CLANKUS believes he has just found his TRUE CALLING... to be the FANCIEST TROUT in the GALAXY.



HIS DREAMS of BEING JUICY SELKATH FOOD have finally COME TRUE! OH, the DEEPEST of JOYS!

...Well, that didn't last long.



THE FLUKE has just about HAD ENOUGH of this CHARADE.

"Do you want me to tell you about my DEEP-SEATED ANGER ISSUES for the Rust Legion that are in no way overcompensating for my lack of manliness?"



"They're OBNOXIOUS, think they're TOUGH, when really, you can just about smell them from ANYWHERE."

THE FLUKE delivers a CHEAP SHOT before BADASSFULLY™ retreating from the scene.



The RANDOM LEGIONNAIRE is insulted at this FOULEST of BETRAYALS and chases after FLUKE in a SEQUENCE of GODLY ANIMATED SICK SPINS. Such spins would not be seen in a LONG TIME following this moment.

It's a right shame you can't see them, since the LAZY AUTHOR keeps stuffing himself with POOR-QUALITY CHEAP SCOTCH instead of animating this BADLY-DRAWN SERIES.



You mention to BALDY that these LEGIONNAIRES here have been VERY NAUGHTY BOYS. They've BEEN RUBBING their ARMORS all night with TOP-QUALITY ARMOR POLISH. BALDY'S VOICE is steadily turning into the BOOMING VOICE of BRIAN BLESSED, the LIVING EMBODIMENT of CAPS LOCK, as he THUNDERS OUT: "HERESY! MADNESS!"

"It's true. I heard they even used MR. SABER'S ARMOR CLEANSER."

"RUBBISH! IMPETUOUS BOYS! YOU SHALL PAY DEARLY FOR THIS!"



BALDY throws down a THERMAL DETONATOR, effectively KILLING OFF the rest of remaining legionnaires. You are, at this point, TOO COOL to be LOOKING at SUCH TRIFLE EXPLOSIONS. YOU are a WINNER.



It seems that your MISDEEDS have finally caught up with you. And here you thought CHOICES didn't MATTER at all in this game. GIB is EVEN RUBBING IT IN by pointing the FINGER OF WILD ACCUSATION towards you! Oh, the POETIC JUSTICE.

BALDY has but one answer to SORTING this RIDICULOUS SITUATION OUT.



You are sent to the THRONE ROOM of the RUST LEGION HQ. For some MIRACULOUSLY CONTRIVED REASON, CLANKUS is STILL VERY MUCH ALIVE and not so HIGH AND MIGHTY, now that he's BEEN BROUGHT DOWN a PEG.

Their COMMANDER is so FULL OF HIMSELF that he doesn't even look at you, but he DOES acknowledge your presence. He is AMUSED by your way of breaking through his HEADQUARTERS and wishes to offer you a PAYING JOB. A job involving the TOTAL DESTRUCTION of the MANDALORIAN OPERATION on NAR SHADDAA.

CLANKUS proposes his COUNTER-OFFER. If you DESTROY the RUST LEGION HQ, you will get INSURMOUNTABLE AMOUNTS of HONOURE given from CANCEROUS ORDO himself! After all, he knows you VALUE HONOURE far more than SOME MEASLY POINTLESS CURRENCY like CREDITS!



You can't believe this is honestly an ACTUAL CHOICE. MONEY against HONOURE? It's even presented in such an OVERUSED, POMPOUS, CLICHED WAY! CHOOSE YOUR DESTINY. Wow. This can't POSSIBLY be DIVERGING your ENTIRE LIFE in such a DRAMATIC WAY. This TINY LITTLE CHOICE. Sometimes, the AUTHORS are just FULL OF IT and this is a PRIME EXAMPLE.

You are WARNED, however, that PURSUING the way of the RUST LEGION will almost certainly lead to the DEATH of CLANKUS and MATT the NEW RADAR TECHNICIAN.

Well, ain't that just GRAND? The AUTHOR has even STARTED to MANIFEST SPOILERS in the NARRATIVE as well! The DEPTHS of his EGO TRULY KNOW no BOUNDS.

With that said... it is time to make your ULTIMATE CHOICE.

Will you be joining the RUST LEGION or the MANDALORIANS?

 

You could DO THAT...

But, THEN AGAIN...



You are DOOP SKYCHAFER, COVETOUS JEDI SUPREME. You only CARE ABOUT MONEY... and HONOURE is NOT a CURRENCY! Not EVEN of a FIAT KIND, the KIND you DISLIKE. Therefore, you DECIDE to do the SENSIBLE THING and JOIN the RUST LEGION, betraying your MANDALORIAN PALS, yes, EVEN the PLUCKY TECHNICIAN, in exchange for the SHINIES.



For some ODD REASON, your MANDALORIAN PALS GREATLY APPROVE of your DECISION as CLANKUS strikes up the MOST FABULOUS of POSES, ready to TAKE the BULLET. You REALIZE this is PROBABLY the DOING of some MOTHERLESS INTERN who has been SNIFFING GLUE too much in the CORPORATE BATHROOMS, trying to FORGET all the DEPRESSING DEPRAVITIES his BOSSES have made him DO instead of CODING the GAME to ABSOLUTE PERFECTION.

Oh, and MATT gives out ANOTHER THUMBS UP! Good on you, MATT!



UH-OH. Someone is A-KNOCKING! Several times. For quite a bit. Yet again. In a very foreboding way. Oh yes, whoever this is, he will be entering the room any time now.

Any time now... in a few seconds from now. Most definitely. Soon.

Yes.



BOOM! It's CANCER EX MACHINA! You are SAVED! Oh yes, you were ROOTING for the MANDALORIANS from the VERY START! Your FAKED LOYALTY to the RUST LEGION was but a RUSE ALL ALONG! You don't ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT MONEY! Pfff, you? DOOP SKYCHAFER? That's PREPOSTEROUS... and INSULTING!

The DUMPSTER BOYS are now OUTNUMBERED and OUTMATCHED, with NOWHERE left to go! They MUST be SHAKING in their RUST COMPARTMENTS from all the FEAR-INDUCING FEAR CANCEROUS has WROUGHT.



They MOST CERTAINLY ARE, as they LEAVE a STEAMING PILE of SCRAP on the FLOOR.



As the FRIGHTENED LEGIONNAIRES try to ESCAPE, they KNOCK each other out VERY CLUMSILY and FALL DOWN UNCONSCIOUS.

Just when you thought this series couldn't SINK ANY LOWER...

Their LEADER still has VERY LITTLE DESIRE to face you. You ASSUME he and CANCEROUS have some HISTORY, quite POSSIBLY BAD BLOOD, a THIRST for VENGEANCE, CHILDHOOD GRUDGE sort-of-deal. Maybe an EPIC CONFRONTATION is in store for the PLOT?



Or yeah, THAT.

BALDY wishes he had ONE of THOSE FANCY JETPACKS, but then again, HE is NOT THE BOSS of RUST LEGION. Or wait... he ACTUALLY KINDA IS at this point.



BALDY'S FIRST DECISION as ACTING LEADER of the RUST LEGION is to GIVE YOU all of his HARD-EARNED MONEY! You COMPLIMENT him on his INFINITE WISDOM and take the MONEY in a TOTALLY HUMBLE WAY.

You have just RECEIVED FIVE THOUSAND CREDITS!



You have also GAINED a LEVEL! It's THAT TIME of the YEAR, apparently, of VAGUELY RELIGIOUS LOOSE WOOKIE INTERPRETATIONS on HOW to CELEBRATE with your LOVED ONES... in this case, with your NEWLY-ACQUIRED SHINIES. Ah, that LIFE DAY CHEER and HOLIDAY SPIRIT!



CHOOSE ONE POINT to SPEND in ANY of the ALREADY-KNOWN SIX CATEGORIES. SURELY you will do it RIGHT this time?

Which ATTRIBUTE do you wish to increase?

 

Since you can't make up your own mind about something as trivial as this, you decide to invest HALF A POINT into CHARM and HEALTH each. Congratulations! You are now more charming, by half!

You also gain HALF an EXTRA HIT POINT! Since health is pretty much useless in adventures like these and is completely a FICTIONAL CONCEPT, you effectively WASTE your OTHER HALF.



Thanks to your indecisiveness, the user interface is starting to BUG UP. That MOTHERLESS INTERN must have forgotten to account for this kind of outcome and probably defined the attributes as INTEGERS. As a result, you lose both halves of your ATTRIBUTED POINTS and will now have to wait till the NEXT LEVEL to REDISTRIBUTE them. Again.

Looks like you can't even do a level up right.



But no... you will not be deterred by this MINOR SETBACK! You have secured a MAJOR VICTORY by TAKING OUT THE TRASH in this sector. CANCEROUS will now AWARD you with a HEAP of GENUINE HONOURE, but as far as you're concerned, you already got your TRUE REWARD from BALDY.

The time has come for FESTIVE JUBILATION!



Your long journey has paid off for you now find yourself inside the ULTIMATE CANTINA! While CANCEROUS and MANDALORIAN EXTRA #3 discuss the next stage of their MASTER PLAN, MATT is showing off his DANCING SKILLS.

CLANKUS feels he just isn't drunk enough for this.

The OLD BARTENDER has a WEIRD TRIANGLE above his head and keeps MUMBLING SOMETHING about a LOST HELMET. You have also yet to order your drinks while coming to the realization that for a bar called BOOZE GIRLS, it's looking to be quite a SAUSAGE FEST right now.

What do you do?