Featured GAME [Interactive Comic] Old Republic Paint Adventures

You DECIDE to FIND OUT whether or not HONOURE™ is WORTH a DAMN and ASK CANCEROUS to provide you a LIST of EXCLUSIVE EXQUISITE ITEMS you can PURCHASE with it. Cancerous is HAPPY to OBLIGE and LISTS a PERSONALIZED MANDALORIAN HELMET for the MEAGER SUM of 100 HONOURE.



The SECOND ITEM on the LIST is an ULTRA-RARE WHITE LIGHTSABER CRYSTAL, also known as the "SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE". It USUALLY goes for about a THOUSAND HONOURE with MOST MANDALORIAN VENDORS.

MANDALORIAN EXTRA #3 tells you of a THIRD, SUPER SECRET ITEM that goes for FIVE THOUSAND HONOURE. If you can EVEN FIND IT, the ITEM would be listed as EXTREMELY MANLY UNDERWEAR FEATURING CANCEROUS striking a POSE alongside his BROTHERS with the WORDS "VODE AN" engraved in pure BESKAR. Cancerous clarifies that he too, was YOUNG and STUPID once in his LIFE.

They both explain that you can ONLY exchange these GOODS at the HONOUR STATION above the planet of MANDALORE.



For your PREVIOUS HEROICS, CANCEROUS bestows upon you 50 HONOURE, meaning that even if you DECIDE to VISIT MANDALORE at SOME POINT, you can't BUY a THING! Thanks a lot, CANCEROUS!

Since you had -50 HONOURE prior to this, your TOTAL SUM would EQUAL to ZERO. Congratulations! You are no longer known as DOOP the DISHONORABLE. Your new TITLE is DOOP the UNREMARKABLE!

Oh, the JOY...

Meanwhile, CLANKUS puts an END to MATT'S DANCING. ALMOST PERMANENTLY.



Since you had quite enough of MANDALORIAN HONOURE SCAMS, you head towards the BARTENDER of this FINE ESTABLISHMENT for GLORIOUS, GLORIOUS BOOZE! You even open up your PERSONAL FLASK of SENTIMENTAL VALUE that your UNCLE FLAPPY gave you when you LEFT for the JEDI ORDER. If you THINK ABOUT IT, that FLASK looks EXTRA CHEAP and TREMENDOUSLY UGLY, your UNCLE probably FOUND IT in a DUMPSTER or SOMETHING. SEEMS like a TYPICAL TOYDARIAN THING to DO...



The BARTENDER introduces HIMSELF as TAPP STURR and he starts COMPLAINING about some DARN KID who STOLE his HELMET.

Oh no! You are NOT GETTING YOURSELF into THIS! DOOP KNOWS a DAILY QUEST when he SEES ONE!

TAPP STURR SCOFFS at your IGNORANT INDIFFERENCE to his TERRIBLE WOES and DEVOLVES into RECOLLECTING his YOUNGER DAYS.

No... NOT ANOTHER ONE!



It's FLASHBACK TIME!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!



"I used to KNOW the OUTLAWS from that BOUNTY over there LONG BEFORE they became the MOST WANTED FOLKS in the SECTOR. First time I met MYNOCK was YEARS AGO. He was just some PO-DUNK LOSER looking to TURN HIS GARBAGE LIFE AROUND. We didn't really GET ALONG, but we made a good enough TEAM. I was a TROOPER and he was an ACCOUNTANT, but in our minds, we were FEARLESS OUTLAWS."



"We met a MIRIALAN BOUNTY HUNTER named KESTREL. She'd been EXILED by the EMPIRE for having a CONSCIENCE or something. I don't know, she was an alien so I only really listened to the things she said a quarter of the time."



"We had some folks on our tail for a while. Set out on more than one quest for vengeance, justice, or just generally saving the galaxy. Caught the attention of some bad folks. They shouldn't have caught ours."



"As you might imagine, we went around the galaxy pissing off just about everyone we could find and more often than not, ended up paying for it."



"But we all STUCK TOGETHER for a while. Got pretty close, watched each others' backs. We never really made all that much MONEY, but I guess we weren't really in it for the MONEY to begin with."



"Eventually, we got our hands on something everyone wanted, and nobody should have had. Pissed a lot of people off. Garnered quite a bit of infamy, some of it deserved."



"But ultimately, we got ourselves into MASSIVE TROUBLE, far more than we ever should have tempted... and no one walked away the same after that."



TROOH PERR fills up your FLASK which is slowly starting to RESEMBLE a HEALTH POTION as he FINISHES UP his story. You feel this PROBABLY isn't the FIRST TIME he told ANYONE about his LONG, BORING, POINTLESS TALE and that he isn't QUITE RIGHT in the HEAD.

"He's got ALZHEIMER'S."

You TURN AROUND to face the person who told you this to find a MYSTERIOUS WOMAN ENTERING the BAR.

What do you do?

((In Memoriam Original Series 2010-2012))

 

There goes my TOTALLY UNEXPECTED PUNCHLINE...

You are PRETTY UNANIMOUS when it comes to BOOZE and GIRLS, deciding that the best course of action is to STRIKE UP a CONVERSATION by offering FALSE PROMISES of FREE DRINKS for the mysterious MANDALORIAN GIRL, TOTALLY not putting your newfound alliance AT RISK in DOING SO.

You ask her for the TIME of DAY, quite POSSIBLY the OLDEST TRICK in the ARCHIVE, and she replies that it is ALWAYS 0:00AM on NAR SHADDAA because the LAZY AUTHOR can't be BOTHERED to make a DAY-NIGHT CYCLE despite being TWO DAYS BEHIND SCHEDULE!



The GIRL introduces herself as RATCHET. The REAL ONE, this time, not that DOOP would KNOW the TRUE DIFFERENCE either way! She met the OLD COOT when CANCEROUS led his WARRIORS to Nar Shaddaa to settle a GRUDGE between him and the RATTATAKI RUST LEGION. Apparently, his DISEASE came shortly after being DISBARRED from the REPUBLIC MILITARY for a MAJOR MISCALCULATION on his PART.

For what? Ratchet never bothered to ask.



TROOPER asks you to PAY for your HEALTH POTION now, rather than LATER. Some RED, ALIEN TRASH walked out the CANTINA before paying last night! THE OLD COOT may be SUFFERING from MEMORY LOSS, but he takes his PAYMENTS very SERIOUSLY.

You decide to PAY for the DRINK, LOSING 15 CREDITS in the process!

I know, I know, you're about to say: "BOO! CHARACTER ASSASSINATION! HANG the BLASPHEMOUS AUTHOR! DOOP would NEVER WILLINGLY part with a SINGLE CREDIT!"

But consider the following...



DOOP is ADAPTABLE! DOOP trades in his FIFTEEN CREDITS for the RESPECTABLE SUM of TEN HONOURE™ because he HONORABLY paid for his DRINKS. DOOP understands the POTENTIAL VALUE of this NEW CURRENCY which will in no way become DEFUNCT in the NEAR FUTURE!



CANCEROUS has a PLAN! And he wants YOU to be a PART of it!



He hands you SOME SORT of CHEAPLY PRINTED PAMPHLET made with TOILET PAPER ROLLS, and not even the SILKY SMOOTH TRIPLE-LAYERED KIND they ADVERTISE on the HOLONET!

You take the PAMPHLET in SLIGHT DISGUST.



Congratulations! You have been invited to join the MANDALORIANS for an AMBITIOUS RAID on GRABBA'S MAJESTIC PALACE! The time has come to take the FIGHT to the FAT-MOUTHED SLUG himself!



Aaaand there goes the CHEAPLY-MADE CLIFFHANGER! Because a FILLER EPISODE featuring POINTLESS MEANDERING throughout EMPTY, STERILE SCENES, trudging through TWO USELESS FLASHBACKS that have no BEARING on the PLOT whatsoever and having so much FAN SERVICE that even the OLD FANS are NO LONGER FANS, can reasonably only end this way!



Chapter 3: Severe Punishments



Oh what? You were expecting to CONTINUE the NAR SHADDAA STORYLINE? WELL, TOO BAD! It's BLUEBALLS TIME!

You are now a CHISS SCIENTIST (see MAJOR DORK) stationed aboard the FLAGSHIP of GRAND ADMIRAL SNOTE. You are a PRETTY POSH GIRL, a PROPER CHISS LADY through and through, yet your PEERS don't really APPRECIATE your WORK. Your STUDIOS BREAKTHROUGHS in science are constantly being MARGINALIZED in favor of creating ADDITIONAL PISS-POOR models of INEFFECTIVE FIREARMS.

But one day, you'll show them! Yes you will! Firstly, however...

What is thy name?

 

Another character; another logo update! Looks like our main trio is starting to shape up.

 

Burst out laughing when I saw this.



Your name is MISSTH'RAW'NURUODO, because this is SUDDENLY an unquestionably LORE-SERIOUS SERIES that takes its LORE VERY SERIOUSLY, yet even the CHISS are tired of pronouncing these OVERLONG names and thus you are relegated to a SIMPLE "MISSY". You've been GOBSMACKED by the sciences ever since you were a WEE TODDLER back on your BELOVED frozen homeworld of CSILLA and this is your GRAND OPPORTUNITY to KNOCK UP your latest experiment with all the RESOURCES you could possibly NEED.

While your FAMILY MEMBERS were PROPER OLD CHAPS, you find the OFFICERS posted here a tad on the KNOB-GAGGING SIDE, while the rest of them are CLEARLY and UTTERLY COMPLETE UNPRODUCTIVE DOSSERS.



But no MATTER, you've DECIDED to KEEP YOUR CHIN UP in spite of your CURRENT PREDICAMENT.

What scientific project have you been working on outside your ship duties?