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HUMOR My secret, Sithy, stealthy mission on Corusant

Discussion in 'Prequel Trilogy' started by Pobody's Nerfect, Jun 12, 2018.

  1. Pobody's Nerfect

    Pobody's Nerfect Force Attuned

    Sep 7, 2014
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    Yeah, I was there a long time ago, in a Galaxy far, far away.

    How long ago? Well, the last person I told kept calling me "Grandpappy Nerfect". Very funny, until I piloted the pointy end of a Star Destroyer up his poodoo chute. He ain't laughed at me since.

    But I digress.

    Yeah, I was there. When I was just a little kid Uncle Palpatine captured a couple Jedi dorks and did enough blood transfusions from them to me that they ended up dead and I ended up with some pretty freaky abilities. Like karaoke, twerking, and drunk texting my ex - wait, that sound like alcohol, not the Force. What had those Jedi dorks been drinking when Uncle Palps captured them? But anyway, it worked. Uncle Palps arraigned for me to be "found" by the Jedi so I would be taken to their Temple and could learn their secrets.

    Well, mission accomplished. I was taken to the Temple and accepted as a Youngling. On my first day they took me on a tour. I wasn't sure what I was looking for. I asked my tour guide "What's behind that golden door?"

    "I'm sorry," he said, "but you need a higher rank in the Jedi Order to know."

    That sounded exactly like what Uncle Palpatine was looking for! I spent ten years doing Jedi crap like not wearing a mask and not capturing Princess Leia and not sending probe droids to find hidden Rebel bases. Eventually I became a Jedi Knight. "Now can you tell me what's behind the golden door?"

    "Sorry, you need a higher rank to enter."

    So I spent another ten years doing Jedi-ish stuff like, well, like not building a Death Star and not Force choking people and not lifting girls' skirts with the Force. And at the end of those ten years they made me a Jedi Master. "Now can I see what's behind the golden door?"

    "We're sorry, but you need a higher rank to pass through the golden door."

    Well, I spent another ten years doing Jedi stuff like not getting laid and not hitting anyone with Force lightning and not building a clone army. Finally they made me a member of the Jedi Council.

    "Now can I walk through the golden door?"

    "Yes Master, you may now enter in through the golden door and learn our deepest Jedi secrets."


    So I walked through the golden door in the Jedi Temple and saw the most amazing things! And I'd love to tell you what was in there, but...

    You need a higher rank to know.
    • Funny Funny x 1
  2. ObiWanKnowsMe

    ObiWanKnowsMe Rebel Official

    Dec 23, 2017
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