HUMOR Official Porg Cookbook 1.0 - Post your Recipes

First an introduction. My name is Mike Zeroh and I have a secret love for cooking and Martha Stewart. I know this is not the norm for my videos, but just bear with me while most of my spoilers eventually, maybe, might come true before or after TLJ comes out an when they do we will celebrate with this tasty snack. I'd like to call...

Porg on a stick

Recipe and directions

Step 1. And this is very important. Don't make friends with Porgs cause then you will have sympathy for them

Step 2. It's better to use a net to capture as many as possible

Step 3. Soak in bluemilk along with the skewers

Step 4. Porgs are tough so make sure to grill fully through using your favorite seasoning. My favorite is called Spoilerific sea salt. It is as flavorful as my hair shampoo.

Step 5. Eat with delicious veggies from the garden of my grandma Zeroh. Call 1-800-THX-ZERO for orders. She's as sweet as Martha.

 

Porg and dumplings.

Boil the porg carcass remove the bones. Add vegetables, carrots, peas, green beans. Cook a little longer. Then place biscuit dough on top. Cover with a lid for 20 minuets. There you have it.

 

this weekend i made curry porg yaki udon:

one or two sliced porg breasts
udon noodles
sesame oil
soy sauce
curry
black pepper
ketchup
ginger
garlic
optional: a vegetable like onions, carrots, or sweet potatoes​

all of this is "season to taste" so i won't provide measurements.

fully cook sliced porg breast and vegetable of choice in a skillet or wok with light sesame oil, ginger, garlic, black pepper and some curry powder.
prepare udon noodles as described on package (this is different depending on whether you purchase pre-cooked or dry--i buy pre-cooked because i'm lazy and they are ready in about a minute).
drain noodles and throw into skillet or wok.
add a dapple of soy sauce, more curry, and about one or two tablespoons of ketchup.

stir gently until everything is coated.
let simmer on low heat for a little while so the flavor will set.
serve to the delight of your wookiee friends! : D

 

All natural Zeroh carbs and zeroh calories. And even Zeroh mess if eaten right.

 

I like firepit rotisserie. Skin the porg pull out its greasy guts. Save the heart, and liver. Stick it on a rotisserie over a campfire. Nothing better.

 

Here’s my dish: A Hunters’s Roasted Porg.

This is pretty straight forward and my recipe has proven to produce delicious chickens and now I will use it for porg! Enjoy guys!

Step 1: Kill a porg. Use whatever hunting technique you wish.

Step 2: Take the porg home.

Step 3: Wash the porg with filtered water.

Step 4: Remove the feathers with duck tape.

Step 5: Wash porg again with filtered water.

Step 6: Cut open the porg

Step 7: Remove the guts

Step 8: soak the porg in a large zip lock bag with marinade:

Ingredients for marinade (you can alter the ingredients and/or their amount of you wish):

1 tablespoon of chipotle powder

1 teaspoon minced garlic

1/2 teaspoon Cumin

1/4 teaspoon black pepper

1 teaspoon of salt

3 tablespoons of red wine vinegar

1/4 cup of water

3 tablespoons of olive oil

Step 9: Put all of the ingredients in a 1 gallon zip lock bag.

Step 10: Squeeze the bag with your hands so you can mix the ingredients.

Step 11: Open the bag, insert the porg.

Step 12: Seal the bag.

Step 13: Shake the bag to make sure that the porg is all covered in marinade.

Step 14: Let it sit for two hours before cooking. Or if you want it for the next day leave it in the refrigerator overnight.

Step 15: Remove the porg from bag.

Step 16: Put the porg on a baking pan.

Step 17: Place the porg in the oven at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for an hour in a half or skin is golden brown and crispy

Step 18: Remove porg from oven

Step 19 (optional): Insert a small, juicy apple inside the Porg’s Mouth for decoration purposes.

Step 20: Serve porg with your favorite sides


Bon appétit!

 

That's alot of steps. lol

 

I wanted it to be very straight forward maybe I overdid it XD

 

My porg recipe is:

Porg pot pie

Step 1: kill the porg by be heading it, then remove intestines, then pluck feathers from the lifeless body

Step 2: boil the porg in water with a pinch of salt for 30 minutes and then cut the lifeless squishy body into small cubes.

Step 3: get an an assortment of veggies like carrots, peas, celery, etc. the boil those In water for 10 minutes.

Step 4: then make a thin savory pie crust, and fill it with the squishy cubes that once was a cute, fluffy, adorable creature that made cute noises, and the vegetables and add some pie crust on the top

Step 5: the bake it for an hour on 280 degrease

Step 6: then put a picture of the porg in front of the pie and then eat the pie.

Step 7: Chew the savory delicious pie and then look at the porg picture and then think in your mind “What have I done?” Lol

Step 8: enjoy!

 

“...Can be used for Midichlorian Soup later on”

Ummm...

“Open beer can and drink.
Open an other one and drink.
Do the same with a third one.
Place the 4th beer can on a solid surface.
Grabbing a Porg leg in each hand, plunk the little bastard cavity over the beer can.
Open the 5th can and drink it.
Transfer the Porg-on-a-can to your grill and place in the center of the grate, balancing the porg on its 2 legs and the can like a tripod.”

Not sure if that’s a good idea XD

“Open a beer can and drink”

NO MORE BEER!

“An alternative is to shoot it with a laser gun until it smells funny”

Um, I’ll pass.

“Bon appetit”

HEY! That’s my trademark!

 

There is nothing like a Porg breakfast.

First invite Porgs for breakfast. Feed them some grain while eating grain you go steal their eggs.

When you come back they looked so surprised and fat that they can't get away.

You then kill them(off camera of course) to spare the empathy.

Fry them up like ham and have Porg eggs

Porg, eggs and ham is what I like to call it.

 

It's also imitation leaks Porg meat. Not the real thing.

 

Shhhh...

 

“When you come back they looked so surprised and fat that they can't get away.”

Wow so grain bloats Porgs really bad then.

“You then kill them(off camera of course) to spare the empathy.”

Why not on camera?

 

I think you mean porg, porg eggs and ham lol

--- Double Post Merged, Sep 24, 2017, Original Post Date: Sep 24, 2017 ---

Guys we are making the Porgs cry lol

 

Yeah grain bloats them but makes them taste ,oh ,so good. PLus I get my grains for breakfast in one bite.

Well my cooking show is G rated.

 

I hear there's a lot of protein in their eyeballs alone.