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The Cantina Mental Health Thread

Discussion in 'Random Discussion' started by Luuke22, Jul 29, 2015.

  1. Empire Jo

    Empire Jo Force Sensitive

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    That sux, sounds like a trip could have done you some good. Go spoil yourself instead. It's ok to be hurt when your friends friends are insensitive, and being excluded is particularly sucky. But don't let it get you down, you gotta forgive your mates crappy behaviour, and hopefully they'll do the same for you. None of us are perfect. Try not to dwell.

    Adventures and change are great for getting out of a funk. You develop so much, even when it all goes to hell. Getting out of my comfort zone has always done wonders for me.

    Good luck finishing school and jumping into life!
     
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  2. Luuke22

    Luuke22 1030th Lieutenant (Jr Mod)

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    We're happy you took the time to vent!

    Oh boy, I know all about being in a depressive slump...everything seems like work, even the things you usually enjoy, and you overthink everything to the point where it's easier just to sit and wallow instead of even attempting to sort through everything that feels wrong...we're talking like a good 20% of my life is spent this way, and that's a conservative estimate. Point being, I know what it's like to feel excluded, or to be included but feel like you're dragging everyone else down.

    Let me ask you this: other than this trip, have your friends ever told you they think you're a "wet blanket," or is that you just projecting onto them because that's how you feel? I've had a lot of experience with the latter, and it can be hard to break away from that kind of thinking. Have you tried talking to any of them yet? It could be that they had a legitimate reason to go, or they legitimately forgot to ask you when they made plans; they could also be terrible people and you're better off without them, but it's best not to lead with this option. Give them the benefit of the doubt, explain to them where you're coming from, and I'm sure you'll find that you're far more appreciated than you might think. In this too, I speak from experience.

    Worst case scenario, in which they're just awful people, you move on with your life. Sounds like you've got a plan; I'm a little jealous actually, as I ended up back in my hometown and basically got stuck here. What, if you don't mind me asking, are you studying/what field are you going into?

    I can't stress enough the power of positive thinking. I know it's cliche', but it can truly help when nothing else can. Very often, you'll find that the things you're most afraid of are just some bad thoughts that have taken far more hold than they should have. Other methods of treatment are far more effective long-term, but sometimes just reminding yourself that you're likely psyching yourself into a panic is enough to break the spell. And hey, if none of that works and you're near a computer, come talk some Star Wars to get your mind off your troubles (falcon 2).
     
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  3. Hilldill

    Hilldill Rebel Trooper

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    I'm studying social work.It's a hard field of study. The town I'm moving to has a larger Universty that is known for thier social work program. I think I might just be projecting being a wet blanket. They did call me and we're sorry they forgot to ask me. We're planning a day trip to a town where they have a big craft store.

    Star Wars seems to help me during these slumps. Been catching up with Rebels this weekend. Part of my slumps might be the weather , since I feel the worst during the winter months.
     
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  4. Luuke22

    Luuke22 1030th Lieutenant (Jr Mod)

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    A lot of people do, it's called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD for short). Basically the low levels of sunlight in the winter months leads to lower levels of Vitamin D which leads to depressive slumps. Sorry if you already knew that, but I figured it was good info to put on here in case anyone else wasn't aware of it.

    Social work is indeed a tough field, but also a very interesting one! I've always been drawn to that field; if I ever get the chance to go back to school, it's on my short-list of career options. I'm sure that once you move and get acquainted with the university's program, you'll feel right at home (hera).

    I love Rebels, btw! Are you caught up? The finale in two weeks looks epic! I was sad to see TCW go when it did, but I think Rebels is working up to being a worthy successor.
     
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  5. Hilldill

    Hilldill Rebel Trooper

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    I do know about SAD, but it's good for others reading to know about it. I have a few relatives that live in that town and one has offered to let me live with them as long as I help with chores. I'm caught up. I was sad when TCW was canceled, since I had always tried to watch it when it aired. Don't have Disney XD, but my cable provider posts the new episodes on its on demand page.
     
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  6. Nathan_Marrek

    Nathan_Marrek Force Attuned

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    Been sick for a while now cause of this cold but every day gets better.

    Been watching lots of movies and TV shows since i ordered a whole bunch of dvds including a video game called command and concur 3. Its an older game but it's got my first crush, Natasha Henstridge who appears in the cut movie scenes. Funny how some things come back to you ...there's a few things I don't remember of my younger years as a kid and it's interesting revisiting older 90s movies and the memories come back. Natasha being in species was one of those memories and I remember watching that movie countless times. Lol. Since then I watched most of her work that she has done. Fact that she's Canadian from newfoundland is awesome. I had no idea. Anyway...

    Been doing some writing while taking a break from the star wars writing...
     
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  7. Luuke22

    Luuke22 1030th Lieutenant (Jr Mod)

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    Glad to hear you're getting better; these last couple of months are usually the worst, good thing we're almost out of the doldrums.

    I remember that game! Never played it a whole lot, but I remember my friends being into it. I remember watching Species though :D. A lot of my 90's memories have to do with Star Wars, since I got into the OT as a little kid before the PT came out (vicious). And you write? That's cool; for fun or are you published?

    @Hilldill , very glad to hear you'll be with relatives when you move. Knowing someone in a new area is extremely helpful, especially when they're family. Plus, maybe they'll have Disney XD (zeb).
    --- Double Post Merged, Mar 25, 2016, Original Post Date: Mar 25, 2016 ---
    So, I'm having some issues lately that I kinda need to talk through...any constructive input would be appreciated, but not expected.

    I don't know what I'm doing with my life. I'm 24; by all means, I should at least have a job, a car, maybe a place with friends, and maybe still be in school. Instead, I'm perpetually unemployed, have no prospects, live at home with my mom, and dropped out of college almost 4 years ago now. I really don't want this to sound like a pity party; I'll not bore you with the details, but I know that some of the choices I've made in life have directly led to my situation. I also know that I suffer from at least major depressions and general anxiety disorders; both have been diagnosed, though I am not currently on medicine for either, but various health professionals have suspected further underlying conditions. For a long stretch of time, including some of the time I've spent here at the Cantina, my life was a pretty dark place.

    I say "was" because lately things have gotten marginally better. While my anxiety remains, my depression has largely subsided, save for the occasional bouts brought on by extenuating circumstances. I've been more aware, not only of my surroundings but of how I act around others (this can sometime be impacted by my anxiety, but that's beside the point). My intellect, once waning to the seeming point of no return, has been firing on most of its old cylinders. In short, I should have every reason to get back out and tackle the life that once beat me down.

    Unfortunately, something's holding me back. Anxiety is part of the issue; I panic just thinking about starting a new job, all that responsibility and pressure... I can usually convince myself that it's just my way of fighting the system, of protesting an unfair society built upon indentured servitude and apathy, but I know that's just an excuse, one of a dozen or so I cycle through. No, the truth is I feel left behind by my peers; if life were high school, I'm still stuck in the 9th grade while my peers have long graduated. It's intimidating, knowing I'll have to start at the bottom; it's embarrassing enough typing this, let alone explaining it all to potential employers. I look for short-cuts daily, like writing for someone online, but have thus far come up moot. I'd love to go back to college, I feel like I could get back on track given that opportunity, but I have no where near the income I would need to do so; I burned my financial aid bridges long ago....

    So where does that leave me? Well, I spend my days in a number of ways, most of which are not relevant here. But I do a lot of reading and a lot of thinking; I wish I would do more writing, but that time ends up being otherwise. I know there are better ways to spend my time, but I mostly just do what I enjoy, and honestly apathy took a hold over me quite a while back. But there are upsides: I've spend more time self-reflecting/meditating/practicing introspection than most people do in their lifetimes, giving me a better sense-of-self than your average space bear, and I'm more empathetic than most, since walking in someone else's shoes is pretty easy when your own amount to flip-flops. I'm also a virtual encyclopedia of entertainment and current events, and my friends often go out of their ways to pick my brain on both.

    So why tell you my whole spiel, my worst-dating-site-bio-ever? Well one, because I really just needed to say all of that. It's all stuff that I've known but never put together in a truly coherent way, and talking about it here is, to me, better than trying to talk to myself in the mirror. Second though, is that I would welcome any advice anyone might have to offer. Should I just kick myself in the butt and go get a job, should I continue to look for work that fits with my lifestyle, should I go for broke and try to get back into school, should I say screw it and start an entertainment blog, or should I just stop oversharing on internet forums?

    I know this is the mental health thread, but I understand if no one answers; I feel like I can overtake the thread sometimes, so if this latest ramble rubs you the wrong way, keep, I don't know, posting casual or something (falcon).
     
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  8. Jake Wolfe

    Jake Wolfe Rebel Official

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    First off, sorry for my absence. If this site ran better on my phone, I'd be on more, but I'm a little impatient with it, lol.

    Anyway, it looks like we have quite a bit in common. I'm 21, graduated high school in '13, and have had two jobs, neither of which lasted even a year. My first job was in HS, at a Popeye's (a fast food chicken place, like KFC, for those who are unfamiliar) and it only lasted about a week and a half due to an abusive general manager whom I took a stand against.

    My second job was at Sam's Club, and I was doing well and was promoted early on, but I was young and didn't appreciate the job enough. Eventually I became a bit miserable with the work, because it was so unfulfilling to me spiritually. I began to realize I wanted to help people. To make a difference in people's lives. So I stopped going to work. I was angry with how I felt I was being treated at the end, and it seemed as if they were looking for any reason possible to just fire me, so that was that. I knew I should have put in a two-week notice earlier.

    Not long after that failure, I was asked to be a youth leader by my church's youth pastor, and so there I was for ten months, being a leader in the forms of counselor, advisor, example-setter, and big brother.

    I've always had a talent for counseling, likely because I'm a natural empath and have been able to read people's emotions and motivations from very little, since I was about 10 years old. So naturally, I eventually discovered that counseling was what I needed to do. I'm in the middle of my second semester at Columbus State Community College, and my current major is social and human services. But I've found myself in a similar situation to others here in that I found the work (which I've only so far taken one class in, last semester) to be difficult. Being a social work-oriented major, it feels cold, analytical, and impersonal, which is completely opposite to who I am and the way I work with people. I'm considering changing my major to psychology, which I'm very familiar with, and enjoy very much. I want to be able to help people identify their problems, and help them get through them. I don't want to sit and do paperwork based on impersonal, analytical, and "help yourself, I'm just here to make you fix it yourself" conversations with people.

    I'm currently jobless, living with my parents, and am only taking 3 classes (which take up 3 hours each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday) due to not being quick enough in registering for classes. My previous semester kept me much busier. But on the positive side, I plan to be quicker in registering for classes next time. I've also had extra time to discover myself, and gain knowledge and wisdom in the personal, historical, philosophical, moral, theological, spiritual, psychological, and practical areas of life that others, as you mentioned, either ignore or dismiss, or either never make time for, or never find time for.

    Being overencumbered by spare time, I empathize with you, questioning everything. But I remember that I have a direction, a goal, and even if I'm not 100% sure how I'll achieve it, I'm at least doing something positive and constructive. The most important question we have to ask ourselves is "what would I *want* to be doing right now, if I could do anything at all?" Usually that will take you to what your purpose is. If that isn't enough, also consider what you've had success with in your own life, or with others. Technical or personal skills? Analytical, logical, mathematical skills? Historical, spiritual, theological, or scientific knowledge? Skill with construction, art, communication or language? There's always something. This is, as far as I'm concerned, a great place to have a discussion oriented towards figuring out what one's purpose in life is or might be. Our mental health is directly related with whether or not we're fulfilling our purpose. And we all do have one.
     
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  9. Luuke22

    Luuke22 1030th Lieutenant (Jr Mod)

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    Glad to hear from ya man; looks like a lot of the people I used to know around here have gone the way of the Whills, so it's nice to [see/hear/read] from a familiar [face/voice/text-voice]. Lol.

    I'm not feeling quite as vocal as I usually do, but I really appreciate the feedback. It's nice to get stuff off my chest, but it's really helpful to know that others are going through similar sith.

    I don't mean to make this a theological debate, but I find it kind of ironic that we both seem to have similar goals in life even though you seem rather spiritual and I'm a staunch atheist. It's just cool to see that two people who should, based on their ideologies alone, should completely clash but instead overlook all that to find common ground. If that stuff keeps your ship in hyperspace, more power to ya dude. (x-wing)

    Your advice is sound; the main obstacle I face is just picking a path. I'm really not trying to brag, but I know I'm smarter than the average bear; I may not have loads of specialized training, but I know I'm a quick study and could likely succeed in whatever field I choose...but choosing is the problem. I'd love to go into the social sciences; I really find fulfillment in helping others, but I also happen to love following entertainment sites and such. So I've thought about starting an entertainment blog and trying to build it up into something bigger, much like what Viral did here; then I worry that I'd just be retreading old ground as far as the Internet is concerned, and I'd never make any money. So then I think about going into law; I love to argue and a technical correctness is the best kind of correctness (very deep Futurama reference there, lol). But then I worry about losing my entire life to the law, all the things I'd miss out on while I devote my everything to law school...plus money is a factor. In fact, money is a factor in most of these cases. And so I spin it all every which way until I end up emotionally paralyzed; it's easier to pick nothing than to choose and lose...

    I know I've gotta end this cycle eventually; if I don't do it myself then Life will do it for me and I'll be stuck with whatever dead-end job I can find. But I just can't shake the feeling that I'm meant for something more, and that does it's own kind of damage to my psyche; if I'm meant to do great things, what happens if I chose and it's not right or wrong but simply not fulfilling enough? Then I wonder if the point to life is even fulfillment, or if I'm better off just doing what I enjoy until the day I die, never worrying about money and just living life....and, of course, that quickly gets shot down and I'm back to thinking about what glorious adventures I should have (maybe politics? I do know my way around some bullsith...)

    Ultimately, I'm just stuck in an existential quandary; how I get out of it remains to be seen, but for now I'm enjoying the ride.
     
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  10. Jake Wolfe

    Jake Wolfe Rebel Official

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    The Agnostic, Atheist, Buddhist, Christian, Hindu, Jew, Muslim, and Pagan all live in the same world, with the same basic goals in life. We're all in this together, and owe each other respect and compassion, with open hearts and minds.

    If a person believes they have any knowledge concerning Truth (whether that is in regards to morality, ethics, metaphysics, or whatever else), they have a responsibility to prove that by applying it to their own lives, proving that it works and is genuinely life-changing. Most would probably agree that the greatest long-term moral duty of Humanity on Earth is to discover Truth, and share that knowledge. And the only moral way to share it is not by force, anger, hate, or conquest, but by putting it to the test. If you believe something is really True, people should be able to see the Truth in it by looking at your life.

    I would say that, if your passion alone doesn't bring you to a clear-cut purpose, you have two options, not mutually exclusive:
    First, you can seek out opportunities to try each, by joining someone in a certain field and observing and studying their work.
    Second, you can take what things you're passionate about, and consider the next line of factors. How much time will it take up in your life compared to how much free time you'd like to have for other passions? How high-stress or high-responsibility is it? You may find that you don't want too much responsibility, per moral or legal consequences, or you may not be worried at all about that, and are a person of good integrity who perhaps should be one with more responsibility. I would place money last, personally, but maybe you are concerned about being tight on money in the future, or are not good with money. What kind of work would you prefer? Something at a desk, something physical, something more balanced, where you will do even ammounts of walking, sitting, and standing? How much schooling are you comfortable with?

    Hopefully I've mentioned something you haven't thought of yet that helps! (r2-d2 2)
     
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  11. Luuke22

    Luuke22 1030th Lieutenant (Jr Mod)

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    Lots of good advice here; I'll keep it all in mind once I finally get the initiative to figure it all out. I just wanted to say though that money is indeed an issue; it's not how much I would make in each field, it's not having enough money or resources to get the schooling or training that I would need. If I could do anything right now, I would go back to school; alas, I do not have the finances and I've burned almost every bridge in the grant/loan department (for the time being, anyway). I'd honestly be happy making just enough to live off of; money, far from being my incentive to work, is toxic to me and, imho, the world.
     
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  12. Nathan_Marrek

    Nathan_Marrek Force Attuned

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    Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I got called for being a racist by a customer when clearly I wasn't picking on her son after I made the security page that we have to do at the start of every hour. :( even my manager didn't agree with what she said but she took it too far that I felt hurt and highly offended. :(

    Not a good day to have gone through before you start your holidays. *sighs*
     
  13. Jake Wolfe

    Jake Wolfe Rebel Official

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    We live in a society quick to look for, and assume, prejudice. It's a societal and cultural problem, and that's not on you. It's on those who are trying to find reasons to be offended.
     
    #153 Jake Wolfe, Apr 5, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2016
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  14. AstromechRecords

    AstromechRecords Jedi General

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    This place has been helping me with my mental health of having to endure a near-5 hour ride from LAX to Irvine, CA because of stupid super shuttle and today being a bad day on top of it .
     
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  15. Jake Wolfe

    Jake Wolfe Rebel Official

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    I usually use long trips as opportunities to listen to the likes of John Williams (x-wing)
     
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  16. Nathan_Marrek

    Nathan_Marrek Force Attuned

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    I guess I should stop being the nice guy ppl think I am all the time. I shouldn’t have to take multiple s***s from anyone. Some things I care other things I don't....
     
  17. AstromechRecords

    AstromechRecords Jedi General

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    Good...good...let the hate flow through you ;).
     
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  18. Stormagadon

    Stormagadon Cantina Court Jester
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    Astro, this is a serious thread. Take your jokes elsewhere. This is not the place for it unless you have something of substance to add.
     
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  19. Nathan_Marrek

    Nathan_Marrek Force Attuned

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    Like I may have said before I will always feel torn between the darkness and the light. In the end...I'll always be alone since I am used to it.

    It's just I have this thing about abandonment... and it goes back to the time just moments I was born. My real father abandoned my mother and I while I was still inside her womb... I don't think I was given a clear explanation of why he took off and at times I try not to think about it and bring it up in front of my adoptive parents. Stuff like this really eats at me. And it wasn't until I got over the stage where you know your body changes.... I started to just mind my own business and not be too emotionally attached to anyone but even when I did have some friends ...they leave and I never hear from them again but I know it's not because of me. Whatever the reason was...that's their problem. Anyway I won't bog down on my early life cause even still half the things I can't remember due to an unfortunate accident that made me lose some memories.

    But all is good for now. I'm still writing and spending time with the girl who ...was my first gf. She tracked me down after less than ten years ago. I found out that why she didn't stay with me cause she was worried I wouldn't remember her or anything else leading up to the accident if I had woken up. Sure enough that's what happened. I don't blame her. How can I? I don't think I would want to burden her like I already was to her and realizing after the fact...she wasn't ready and she knew it. Since then she's been helping me remember some things. Its helped a good deal. Like these mental blocks have been suppressed for far too long that slowly things are starting to come back to me.
     
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  20. Jake Wolfe

    Jake Wolfe Rebel Official

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    As a wise man once said, "turn the other cheek". It may not sound logical, but there actually is a reason why this is an effective strategy, long-term. Gandhi and MLK proved it.

    When we treat with respect and kindness those who treat us poorly or unfairly, we become the bigger person. Not to mention understanding that you're doing what is right by returning harshness with kindness helps make it a little easier. Sometimes it can show those people that they're the ones in the wrong, by creating a contrast between their aggression and your generosity. Returning aggression for aggression only polarizes those involved.

    And for your own good, look for ways to outlet that hurt. It can help to remind yourself mentally that you are the bigger person and "don't give in to hate", as Obi-Wan taught us. Remaining cool in hot situations lends itself well to wisdom and rational decision making. Plus it just plain makes you look good.

    Working out or exercising can also help let out anger, stress, and aggression outside of those situations.

    Don't be too quick to resign yourself to being alone. Sometimes we maintain our own Hell by giving in or accepting, rather than fighting. Exactly, it is their problem. You're responsible for yourself, not their behavior or choices. And a rational and self-respecting attitide like that makes a person more attractive to be around. Everybody would prefer to be around someone who admits and believes in their own self worth :)

    That's something I learned after defeating my own abandonment issues, so I hope that helps.
     
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