HUMOR /SPECULATION Skywalker Twins Theory

Hi everybody! So this is a little fun, slightly satirical theory I came up with the other day. Again, no proof, but only speculation.

Warning for Spoilers, both of the theoretical kind and the rumor kind.

What if Luke DID have twin children, but it wasn't Rey and Kylo Ren...It was Captain Phasma and Kylo Ren!!

I know, crazy. But, I mean, hey, we've already speculated that virtually all of the major named characters of TFA are related to the old cast EXCEPT Captain Phasma, so why not give her a little love?

I mean, Gwendoline Christie's a blonde, so she could totally pull off the Skywalker look - and before anybody points out otherwise, remember that people were pointing to the fact that because Gleeson had red hair, he HAD to be the son of Luke and a re-canonized Mara Jade. Speaking of Gleeson, there used to be (and to a degree still is) speculation about him being a spy for the Resistance within the First Order. What if they got the plot right but the character wrong? This could fit into the speculation that FO soldiers might have had some type of sword training or at least Finn might have.

In terms of age, Gwendoline Christie and Adam Driver are 6 years apart; the same difference (IIRC) between Mark Hamill and Carrie Fisher. This might fit better than the 8 year difference that Daisy and Adam have. Also, if the idea is that Luke left a pregnant woman - be it either his wife, a lover, or just a woman (which I don't think is likely, but I need to put out all of the possibilities) - earlier in the timeline (Battle of Jakku) to go into hiding, this age would fit better for a child/children left behind than a early-to-mid twenties Finn or Rey. This would also allow both characters to be old enough to remember this supposed attack on (Titan) the new council.

Why the name change? Maybe someone finally wizened up to the idea that keeping your (in)famous father's last name is not always a good idea. Wouldn't Kylo Ren recognize his supposed sister? Maybe he does, and he wants to keep her around. Maybe he doesn't since they might have been separated for a long time. Who knows.

Or, for extra tinfoil, switch everything around where Kylo and Phasma are Han and Leia's kids and Poe and Phasma become love interests. Because we've speculated pretty much everything at this point, why not go the extra mile?

Anyways, what did you all think? Love it? Hate it? Did you laugh, smile, or otherwise get some sort of enjoyment out of this? Is it crazy? Am I crazy? Thanks, and let me know!!