SPOILER Stringing the Plot Thread

After months of decoding concept art, call sheets, scripts, and blog postings, I now know the entire story. At one point, I thought of all these things were just awful rumors, but they're ALL true, and I've put them together so that everyone can fully appreciate how complex and awesome this story is.
Everything here is 2 LEGIT... and when December hits, the crows will be extinct....


I will be posting this is several segments.
You have been warned....
I am spoiling...
NOW!!!

OPENING CRAWL: Blah blah blah...something about trade negotiations, clans, and Tarkins...

Camera follows floating lightsaber down to SAVANNAH PLANET

• A Coke bottle…errrr…lightsaber falls from the sky, and Naka the Peasant sets stuff on fire. Hilarity ensues on the Savannah planet.
• Naka takes the lightsaber to the Vicar (MvS), and he calls the Rebel police force
• Later than night, Poe shows up to get the lightsaber from the Vicar— and the bad guys show up too. First appearance of Kylo-- it's spectacular. He burns the village down with the help of flame thrower troopers.
• Poe hides the saber in his droid, BB-8. The droid rolls away, while Poe stays behind to kick ass and to get captured.
• During the fight, Finn’s best friend gets offed. In his despair, Finn allows the innocent villagers to escape.
• Angered, Kylo stops the battle and arrests Finn because he just isn’t evil enough to be a good stormtrooper.
• Finn is thrown in a Star Destroyer brig with a captured Poe— and they hatch an escape plan to trick the guards and hijack a ship.
• Finn & Poe escape in a TIE fighter— and presumably crash because Finn is sitting on Poe’s lap, obscuring the control panel.

SAND PLANET (AKA: NOT TATOOINE)

• The duo crash on a sand planet—not called Tatooine.
• Poe’s X-wing crashes into the sand planet when BB-8 tries to bring the ship to his master and realizes he’s an astromech, not a pilot.
• Rey finds the Poe/Finn and helps them salvage their ships
• Kira lives in an AT-AT, and rides her speeder down ‘Main Street’ looking for parts and engaging with pirates
• The group goes to a star port, and Kira and Finn contemplate stealing a ‘hunk of junk”: yes, the FALCON. Before doing that, they stop into a cantina for a drink.
• In the cantina, the group meets an old smuggler and current general of a star destroyer: Han Solo. Meanwhile, Chewbacca is ripping patrons’ arms off (including Simon Pegg’s). Rey doesn't know Han, but maybe she does (we'll find out in Episode VIII)
• The trio start rambling about a lightsaber, and Han agrees to introduce them to an old buddy who knows something about lightsabers. But no one knows where Luke is!
• Outside the cantina, a star destroyer blows up and crashes into the desert
• Poe takes off, and leaves his lightsaber-carrying mech droid behind. (will show up again in Episode VIII?)
• Rey, Finn, and BB-8 steal the Falcon! As they escape the planet in the Falcon alongside X-wings, TIE Fighters chase them down- SPACE BATTLE!
• The Falcon gets swallowed by a GIANT freighter filled with GANGS! Han and Chewie make their first appearance..again.
• Han wants his ship back. Han and Chewie board the Falcon. Han says : "Chewie, we're back home!"
• Rey sabotages the Falcon by pulling out the circuit breaker and Finn plays some chess.
• Meanwhile, the Mods and Rockers are starting to rumble ala West Side Story. All hell breaks loose.
• Rey plugs the circuit breaker back into the Falcon, Chewie gets shot, and the heroes narrowly escape-- smashing a few aliens on the windshield in the process.

TO BE CONTINUED.....

 

JUNGLE PLANET/YAVIN

• They all fly to Yavin to ask Leia where her brother is. Leia is wearing grey. She tells them he might be a crazy cyborg in an evil castle on an ice planet not called Hoth. Han and Leia are mad at each other, and she stays behind to lead the Republic and to finalize the plans for using her new super weapon
• Everyone (except Leia,her droids, and Poe) hop on the Falcon and fly to the evil castle on the ice planet.
• The chrome trooper commander (CAPTAIN PHASMA) and her jungle troopers show up to blow stuff up, but they’re too late. The heroes escape.

ICE PLANET

• On the ice planet, Han starts going through withdrawal, so they go to Rose’s Pub for a few drinks.
• Rocker #3 followed the group to the planet, and hangs out at the pub.
• Rose is a motion-captured puppet who offers up peyote. They have a vision quest in her pub’s basement.
• While they’re tripping into the past and seeing scenes of dead bodies, looting, the 7, and clans attacking each other, Kylo and his fur-coated stormtroopers are attacking her pub.
• In the vision, Kylo walks up to Rey and reminds her how evil he is—and they knew each other when they were kids! Also, she knew a 20-something Luke Skywalker and a sad R2. She was part of a Jedi cult that was wiped out by Kylo and/or a rich man (who many or may not be the Vicar)— it’s all a little unclear on PURPOSE since it’s a vision quest. There’s a voiceover that will explain the vision.
• Rose shows Rey the lightsaber that’s been hidden in BB-8; Rey throws up in disgust, and Finn discards his pacifist ways to embrace the laser sword. He’s much better at using the sword, than the blaster. (Will be addressed in Episode IX).
• Everything’s in chaos. Kylo chases the group into a secret passage, and Rose uses the FORCE to kill some storrmtroopers
• A moon gets blown up while they’re in the pub— Han reacts! Chewie rips off another arm and goes back to the Falcon, but is shot AGAIN in the process, losing his arm. He’s a cyborg wookie now.
• Kylo goes outside and shoots down the Falcon AND captures Rey and takes her to the evil castle. There's Force-filled Jedi mind-trick failures between the two of them.
• Kylo blows up the pub--and Kor Sella (aka: the Emissary, played by Masie-Richardson Sellers) gets blown up too. She's on her own secret mission that is pivotal to the movie. Kor Sella is discovered to be Obi Wan's descendant.
• Kylo talks to holographic ZOMBIE of Darth Ruin (CODENAME: UBER), who commends him and encourages him to go be evil in his castle.
• Kylo blows up the good castle next door to Rose's pub.
• Leia learns about Kor Sella's death, and comes down to the planet with C3-PO. She has an awkward meeting with Han.
• The group (minus Rey) navigates the tunnels, fly the Falcon, and converges at the evil castle...which is also a Sith temple!!!
• Han and Finn are trying to take down the shields. Han hides in the shadows.
• Meanwhile Luke’s son (Domnhall Gleeson) is an Imperial commander who has decided to use Death Star 3 to destroy the ice planet. Death Star 3 is there only weapon that can destroy the planet with the super-weapon. The Jungle Planet is really some type of un-describable super weapon.

• SPACE BATTLE!

 

• In the evil castle/sith temple, Kylo busts in and reveals he’s Han’s son. Rey shouts, "You'll never be as powerful as Darth Vader!"
• Kylo takes out his pent up aggression, and murders his dad in cold blood showing he may be as evil as Darth Vader, and proving himself to be evil to his new Master: Darth Codename Uber. The Han scene is moving/ everyone will cry (and wonder why he wasn't in a scene with Luke).
• Everyone runs away. The Falcon is taking off and Rey and Kylo have an epic duel on a snowy mountain. It’s a draw, and Rey escapes on the Falcon.
• A chrometrooper commander, wielding a wampa lightsaber, shows up with some snow troopers, but she’s too late to the fight. She gets back in her new TIE Fighter and heads home (saving her for Episode IX)
• Leia is involved in the 3rd Act and has one of the most powerful scenes in the movie....
• The droids use their computational power to crack a code and learn where Luke’s been all along— guarding the tomb of the Unknown Sith! It’s clear that the crystal opens a tomb.
• Chewie quickly repairs Falcon. Rey learns to fly the Falcon and takes off with Chewie to see Luke.
• Luke’s son, fires the Imperial super weapon and blows up the planet. It’s hard core. (more of him in Episode VIII)
• Kylo is holding Vader’s mask on the bridge of a star destroyer (the scene of him returning to the star destroyer will be added in the SE). He puts the mask on and laughs. When Kylo’s not chasing down random a stormtrooper for being a pussy, he’s a Sith relic hunter. Darth Ruin is in a hologram, and tells Kylo “We shall watch your career with great interest.”
• Rey returns the lightsaber to Luke, they spar, and then they hug and she implies “I love you…dad.” There isn't any dialog. Luke gets creepy and there’s a Phantom of the Opera moment. Luke uses the saber crystal to open the Tomb of the Unknown Sith. In it DARTH PLAGUEIS awakens....
• pan out, cue music, roll credits.
• POST-CREDITS: Nien Nunb, Lobot, and Lando at a long dinner table-- he passes a pitcher of blue milk to....Benedict Freakin’ Cumberbatch as Thrawn...

 

LOCK

 

Really? I put a lot of time into pulling together all the various rumors on these forums and elsewhere. May have embellished to connect the dots, but these ARE the rumors out there now.

 

I would like to see the plot go long the road of the baddies hit first then the good guys hit back.

 

Why? Nothing wrong with this its just rough outline on supposed happenings, plus there's quite a lot of effort gone into this. With all the other tripe which has been spread at least this one is done with care and attention - even if a few parts are done tongue in cheek.

 

There is already a thread on this topic. Merged momentarily.

 

Just for the younger audience

 

Bravo, @rebelscum. That was seriously my favorite thing I have read on a TFA spoiler board.

In even more seriousness, sorry, seriousitude, this practice of synthesizing and organizing information is very useful. For one thing, it helps to highlight those things which... don't fit (with or without the embellishments).

One thing to add to the synopsis: MSW claimed to confirm today in comments on theforce.net the rumor that Rey gets captured at one point and taken by stormtroopers to Kylo Ren at the evil castle. There she says "You’ll never be as powerful as Darth Vader!"

In the same context he said he could confirm "a Force-filled confrontation of Jedi Mind Trick failures and the sort." - whatever that means. The post.

 

So far, this is what we have for a very general outline of a plot:

Sith fanatic hunts for artifacts that will open a tomb and resurrect a Sith Lord? (I'm still a little unclear as to why Kylo Ren wants to open the tomb that Luke is said to be guarding [at least up until the other day, where he's just AWOL until the last scene]).

Sounds a lot like the plot of Jedi Knight: Jedi Academy.

Sith fanatics hunt the galaxy to siphon Dark Side energy from significant places in order to resurrect a Sith Lord.

Mystery Box? Lazy storytelling? Both?

 

I see that you have the same source as MSW.

 

Thanks! I was having trouble keeping track of all the rumors, so this helped ME....I do need to update it with some newer info (including the quote you listed! forgot about that!)

Updated the story with the new MSW info. Since Jason is banning himself from the boards "for the next 20 years," it might be tougher to fill in the blanks (like, why is the Falcon hanging out on Tatooine while Han and Chewie are on the freighter....just minor details)

 

Well, it's an excellent movie. I my opinion, though it was originally an obscure South African movie, it became an international hit and is still in a lot of viewers and critics mind...

I am not saying they won't go "Jedi must be grazy" on us... but, I am pretty sure, afterwards, it could become a running gag among the critic community.

 

I love that movie. If the recent rumors are true (a light saber falling from heaven, picked up by villager, driving the plot), it will at least be a running gag among MY community.

 

Agreed, between the falling from the sky lightsaber and the blink and you will miss it Luke scene, the critics will have a field day with this film.

 

I think the critics will focus more on the meaning of the plot.