HUMOR Ridiculously fun theories

The most ridiculous theory I've heard so far is that C3PO is the Graverobber... oh wait, that was my theory.

 

Oooooooooo . . . play a game like this I want.

Gwendoline Christy is a female Vice Admiral Thrawn. High ranking Imperial military official.

Just to stoke the Luke is the hooded figure in the trailer rumors . . . he tossed aside his green saber and then he and dad fled. Did he pick it up? So in the years since builds a new saber, perhaps after many years, sensing a strange AWAKENING in the force and being compelled to prepare.

 

J/k glad a fun thread exists. I had actually grown fond of the funhouse that was the SpoilerMan thread. And now I'm bored. Let's make this the new playhouse!

 

Max Von Syndow is not playing Montross . . . it was originally said his character had blue skin . . . You heard it hear first. He is reprising his Ming the Merciless role as EMPEROR however for copy write reasons he is the head of a Chiss dynasty ushering in the Theocracy of Thrawn (see what I did there I brought back the alliteration).

 

You also misspelled copyright but I love you anyway.

 

Perhaps not so fun, not so genuine theory I have a gut feeling about is Leia and Luke will be mortal enemies, or fall out big time. (Especially if something happens to Han for which the latter could be a little responsible for...)

Another one is R2 finally gets his own little light saber, which he spins around Grievous style to stop blasters. (too Prequel-ish?)

 

The alien sith lord voiced by MvS and mocapped by Serkis is Jawa-nese.

Jawa with Powah!

Please cast Jayden and Willow Smith... just to watch the internet explode like so many Death Stars.

 

If Driver is a force sensitive Solo child who dear uncle Luke refuses to train. Then Luke ditches the war/rebuild of society effort to play wilderness hermit leaving Leia to face trying to rebuild the republic despite the fact he has magic powers that could come in real handy I would say that her resenting him might be key to the plot even before Han bites it.

 

it's rumored that when "the dark...and the light" is said in the trailer, it's actually the new sith lord's answer to his new apprentices' question: what kind of chicken meat do you like? While passing through a KFC drivethrough.

Sorry, can't reveal my source.

-O

 

Lobot now goes with the nickname Dj LowBeat and turned Cloud City into a NightClub City.

 

The use the Noooooooooo uttered by Anakin/Vader when he learned that he killed Padme uttered in the background when Luke cuts Han down trying to reach Driver's Sith character who is Han's son.

 

Monstrrrrrr!!!! Got your attention? Cool....

Every SW movie needs a good monster and TFA will be no exception. My source assures me the movie includes a sequence where Han and Chewie in the Falcon lure three SDs into an asteroid field during Space Slug mating season and the colossal Imperial craft are forced to weave their way through a writhing slug ballet of lurve.

And no CG at all!! All the slugs are decorated oven mitts worn by Henderson Creature Workshop professionals....

 

I thought he was playing an elderly Sebulba

 

In the Holiday Special we got to see Jefferson Starship.
In the Force Awakens we get to see The Rolling Droids.
They already showed the the lead singer MK J4GR in the trailer.

 

I hope they play "Hey! You! Get off'a my Cloud City"!

 

There is a post credits scene reveling the Serkis voiced character is Galactus (yes from Marvel Comics) before him is a holographic blue image of Thanos . . . "Soon I will have the all the soul stones and the Infinity Gauntlet will be complete my master." The deep Serkis voice from the trailer rumbles, "good."

Shared Disney universe!

 

Oscar Isaac and Boyega are fighting either sides of the war, as Daisy lives out alone in the desert on Gloopalogg Twelve, a moon residing in the outer rim.
Boyega hatches an insane plan to escape from a star destroyer after hearing about Luke's reappearance, he wishes to seek him out and become a Jedi.
He commandeers an x-wing and flies it down to the surface of Gloopalogg Twelve, where he is shot down by bandits and an imperial probe seeks him out.

Boyega takes out the probe but is then captured by what we initially think of Tusken raiders (cue really cool dark music as Boyega is dragged into town)
The townspeople argue over Boyega and who should take ownership of him and his downed Tie Fighter, which they searched and found a lightsaber. Daisy wins a bet with a gangster and wins Boyega's life, the Tie fighter scrap and the lightsaber (the townspeople have no idea what it is) she takes him back to her downed AT-AT home.. Opposite is a junkyard/parts shop owned by a strange cyborg played by Max Von Sydow. He studies the lightsaber and explains the whole back story of the Jedi and how they came to be, claiming the lightsaber is priceless and they should seek out a Jedi (who are hunted by the Empire)

Daisy goes into town on her speeder where she seeks Han Solo, she shows him the lightsaber which he recognises as Luke's.

Just as things get interesting, a ship flies above the town and stormtroopers descend in, killing almost everyone (including a friend or two of Daisy's) Han gets aboard the Falcon, people pile in and they take off (cue shot of Falcon from the teaser)

Han takes everyone to Coruscant, some rescued villagers pile off and Han's new crew make plans to travel to Luke's home planet.

crew: Han, Chewie, Daisy Ridley, blue alien guy, John Boyega, rolling droid.

They depart to Luke's planet and on the way, the inquisitive blue alien guy starts rummaging through the storage spaces on the Falcon, where R2D2 and C3P0 sit, deactivated. Tears all around as R2 and 3P0 come back to life and stay aboard the Falcon.

That's all i've got so far, if anyone feels inspired then carry it on!

 

Max Von Syndow's cyborg character runs a pawn shop not really raising Kira as much as she sells him stuff or identifies things for her maybe even serving as a fence. When she brings him so high quality gear . . . namely a lightsaber. (nothing new)

He puts a call out to some buyers. One of these buyers as you all know is likely Driver's artifact collector (you have heard this rumor before). He wants to drive the price up with competing buyers so he contacts a sleazy trader (a member of the two headed species that does the sports casting for the pod race)normally an information broker but he has been known to move items as well. The character was recently added by JJ in post production apparently one head is named SpoilerMan the other is SpoilerBro.

 

Hmmm.... I'm going to slap a humor tag on this thread...
As you were.