HUMOR Catastrophic Plot Twist

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Cripes, I can just imagine the cast having a bangra dance-off with the new villain, and Darth Plagueis sitting at the back facepalming and saying, "this is totally not what I was hoping for. *sigh* " Or Force Ghost Sidious cackling away, saying "Good, good! Everything is proceeding according to- WTF?!?"

 

Obi Wan was a clone. Obi Two and Obi Three show up. And they're funnnny as hell and dumb.

 

Oh, I could think of an alarming number of instances this whole thing could go to hell:

- Opening shot is a hand grasping a light saber falling from space
- The Emperor had a secret clone and is the main villain, again
- Some empire henchman is "inspired" by VADER and puts on his suit
- Luke is a preachy old fart who "tells the youngsters" how the JEDI thing was done back in the days
- The FORCE is further ruined by boring scientific explanations - Medichlorians Part #2
- Darth Plagueis is behind everything and is the main villain
- Luke is killed in a climatic battle towards the end, only to be revived by his mad FORCE skillz (Star Trek ID)
- Leia chooses another over Han while he still runs around galaxy trying to prove himself he's still got it,
fist fighting shady characters in pubs like he's still 30
- The "Breakdown of communication can mean only one thing, invasion!" line is used again in the films!

HOW NOT TO RUIN THE MOVIE?

- NO clones of major characters, good or evil
- NO anime inspired crazy JEDI leaping across sets, keep it grounded
- NO unnecessary saber twisting and twirling
- NO established names like Bane, Plagueis, Maul etc - GIVE US NEW VILLAINS
- NO rainbow colored lightsabers, keep it simple: blue/red... maybe one green for Luke
- NO complex political scheming, If they want intrigue give us a few villains who undermine

 

What The Force Awakens needs to be like; A New Hope, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Empire Strikes Back, The Dark Crystal, Avatar.
What The Force Awakens should NOT be like; Star Trek, Star Trek Into Darkness, The Phantom Menace, John Carter, Flash Gordon(1981), Blade Runner, V, Lord of the Rings.

 

Blue Milk is the source of Midichlorians. The more you drink it, the stronger your Jedi "bones" are.

 

The Ewoks are clearing up on the forest moon of Endor. The party to celebrate the liberation of the galaxy was a messy affair.
As the last empty beer can is thrown into the bin, the screen starts to ripple accompanied by eerie music as we fade to...
... Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan waking on the Trade Federation Cruiser.
"Ah, no, not dioxin - sleeping gas. My mistake."
"But, what a dream. Anyway, back to business, padawaan..."
The Jedi meet with the Trade Federation representatives who agree to end the blockade and everyone lives happily ever after.
THE END

 

Sex in Episode 7 would also completely kill the movie for me. For me it is a thing that exists in the SW Universe but I dont want it on the big screen. That just never happened before in SW and SW is a movie where this would be a waste of time! Imagine all the great new things we could see instead of 2 people on each other.

 

"That is why you fail."

Just kidding. I don't think you have to worry about graphic depictions of sex in Star Wars.

"Sex and the Sithy" this is not.

 

Personally, I'm surprised that no ship ever crashes into those giant yellow space letters that seem to appear every time a dramatic series of events is about to happen in the Star Wars Universe.

JJ must have realized this and I expect he'll take full advantage...

It'll go something like this...

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away....

STAR
WARS

Episode VII

The Force Awakens

It is a time of uncertainty. The uneasy cease-fire between
the REBEL ALLIANCE and THE GALACTIC EMPIRE is
beginning to break down as skirmishes erupt th....
OMG LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*The Millennium Falcon drops out of hyperspace and immediately crashes into the crawling letters, killing all on board... several long, silent and awkward seconds pass until..... Jump cut to end credits!*

 

These doors in the movie.

 

My serious fear - and I have had dreams about this in the past: SW comes to Earth. Either "the last of the Jedi settle on Earth", suggesting they are the basis of humans on our world, or they arrive and make contact in present day. Please, no! No Earthly connection! That would definitely kill the franchise for me. Just no!

EDIT: seeing ETs in TPM was bad enough. No more of that nonsense, either!

 

What are the Vegas odds a "Enterprise" will be flying around Toshi Station or be in some "rebel fleet" scene?


If R2 can be in Star Trek, then some Bird of Prey or USS Enterprise may too.

 

Nooooooooooo!

 

I'd like to see a triple/quadruple reveal.

• The villain removes his/her mask to reveal LUKE!
• Ridley removes whatever mask she has on to reveal Boyega
• Luke removes rubber mask to reveal.........BOYEGA!!!

They all laugh and wacky music plays on until fade-out and credits.

 

The guy that sold Death Sticks rethinks his like and become the new Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Sticks!

 

But WAIT! An after credits scene, Luke tears off his Sith disguise to reveal he is now, in fact, a member of the most notorious group in the galaxy in a surprise twist that no one saw coming...

 

If a comfy chair is involved, then I'm down. Totes down.

 

Leia and Han going down in a blaze of glory, crashing the Falcon Kamikaze-style on an ennemy ship, with that playing in the background:

 

And now I need a shower. Thanks!

 

Not even the slave bikini thing can erase that. Who am I kidding? The slave bikini thing can totally erase that. Nope....no it can't. It can't.