Reddit, 4chan, internet spoiler board for Episode VIII

And here it is, immortalized on The Cantina:

Spoiler: Tales From The Ass

Act III

Ducain, Finn and Rose infiltrate Snoke's Star Destroyer. Finn is nearly recognized. BB8 begins searching the ship's database for where Leia is being held. Stormtroopers arrest the trio.

Rey has a nightmare. Luke is awake looking at the sky. Rey confesses she can not kill Kylo Ren. Luke is surprised but does not try to convince her either way. Rey tells Luke she can feel his thoughts. She has for a while. She tells Luke she thinks he's coming.

On Mustafar Kylo Ren meets with his Knights. They are all selecting weapons and sparring. Kylo addresses them, telling them that Luke is a more formidable opponent than any they have ever faced. He warns them. "They know we're coming"

Rose and Ducain wait in a cell. Finn is held captive and his mind "downloaded", revealing the secret of the hidden base. Phasma reports this to Hux who mobilizes the First Order Navy.

In the cell, Rose realizes how the door works and causes it to short circuit. She and Ducain break out and meet up with BB8.

Luke sits on a rock overlooking the sea. The sky grows darker. A storm brews in the distance. Rey and Luke have a conversation about the Force. Luke is the most peaceful he's been since Rey arrived. Rey asks Luke why he went away.

On Crait Holdo is alerted the First Order has arrived. Deflector shields hold against an areal assault but a ground invasion begins. Walkers are spotted on the horizon. Holdo panics and orders an evacuation. Poe convinces her they'd all be killed in the event of an evacuation. Holdo finally surrenders control to Poe and asks what they should do. Poe has an idea.

A bomb goes off in a corridor drawing Stormtrooper attention. Ducain and Rose bust Finn out. They meet back up with BB8 and are told where Leia is being held.

Luke warns Rey that whatever connection she has with Kylo Ren is not a good one. He tells her when he arrives he will try to kill her, and she would do well to preserve her life by killing him. Rey confesses to Luke her parents traded her for a ship to escape Jakku. She asks how she can possibly kill the person she's dreamt about since she was a child. The only human she'd ever had a connection with.

Luke has no answer.

Poe addresses the pilots of the Resistance telling them they are going to use the old mineral hauling vehicles as a weapon.

The vehicles fly out and drop the dense mineral on top of the walkers, causing them to plummet. The evacuation transports go to light speed inside the atmosphere. Poe escapes on the last one. Holdo dies when a transport is shot down by a Star Destroyer.

Finn, Rose, and Ducain all make their way to Leia's cell. Snoke orders Leia's cell gassed.

A fleet of TIE fighters approach on the horizon. Luke asks Rey if she is ready.

Rose breaks into the database and sees Leia's cell is being poisoned. She frantically tries to stop it.

It rains again. Kylo Ren and his Knights stand before Luke. Kylo Ren declares this is the day the Jedi end.

Luke closes his eyes. Lightning strikes at the feet of the closest Knight. He flies into the darkness off the cliff.

Kylo is not phased. The Knights are clearly shaken.

Rey appears. Kylo declares she is his and they fight. Luke sends lightning from the sky to another Knight, and then draws his lightsaber.

Kylo Ren and Rey duel but neither is trying to kill the other. They both feel the connection flowing back and forth. Kylo Ren disarms Rey and after asking who she is angrily as she clings to a cliff for dear life, is swarmed by the birds. Rey pulls herself up and Kylo Ren stands ready to fight both Luke and Rey. Reybegins hearing the voices of the birds. Before Kylo Ren and Luke can fight, she screams out for them not to.

Finn, Rose, and Ducain arrive at Leia's cell but can not open it in time. As gas begins to leak out of the bottom, Ducain convinces the group to leave. They steal a shuttle.

Kylo Ren falls to his knees. Luke does too. Leia is gone.

The trio escape on a stolen shuttle.

Kylo flees on his TIE fighter. Luke and Rey decide to board the Falcon.

Snoke summons General Hux. He tells him it's time he lived up to his family name, crafts a lightsaber, and gives it to Hux. Hux lights it up. It's BLACK.

There is a funeral on an earth like planet. Luke stands by Rey but Rey leaves the procession. Luke tells Finn and Poe not to go after her. He asks Maz Kanata if she is sure about this.

Rey retreats down an alley. Kylo Ren stands there.

She demands he get out of her head.

He demands the same.

Rey says she doesn't know what's going on. She embraces Kylo. Kylo says he does not either, but he promises he will kill Snoke.

Okay, so a third of this thing was entertaining to read.

 

JUST

F*CK

MY

LEAK

UP

FAM

 

"Dawg. [Hux's] mother is a Palpatine. Shhh "

Not even bothering to spoiler-tag that because it's so incredibly obvious that this is bullsh*t that I don't need to.

Armitage is a bastard child of Brendol Hux and... A kitchen woman. Seriously. If you're trying to tell me that she was a Palpatine then that's dumb and you made yourself a fool by writing it.

 

The fools! THE INTERNET NEVER FORGETS!

 

I personally like to keep a chronicle of rumors so that if someone says "but I thought they were going to do this until something happened", I can tell them that they weren't looking at the right info here. Kinda like what you do, only with less authentic material.