Featured GAME [Interactive Comic] Old Republic Paint Adventures

You have managed to build a WALL and made the IMPERIALS PAY FOR IT! No, wait... that's NOT HOW THIS WORKS.

REGARDLESS, you have built your WALL of MANY PATRIOTISM. It is DESIGNED to keep the Republic scum OUT even if they were here FIRST and you kinda just tried to CONQUER their PLANET and WHAT-NOT.

You decide to ask the GENERAL to BRIEF YOU on HER SITUATION (and to ACQUAINT the audience with this NEW BRAND of PLOT ABORTION called ACT II).



SABER: "What's the situation here, General? I kinda got involuntarily volunteered into this mess of an assault and I'd like us to actually come out of it alive. Mostly. I'm no miracle worker."
CAPTAIN: "Hang on, how does one get involuntarily volunteered?"
SABER: "Simple. The Dark Council asks you."

CAPTAIN: "Oh. That explains a lot."
SABER: "You bet it does. Well? General?"
GENERAL: "Frankly, I don't know! We've lost nearly all of our men, and the High Command keeps asking for the impossible!"

GENERAL: "We just don't have the resources. We never did. This Vanguard wasn't designed for prolonged sieges. I very much fear that if we keep this up, our war machine will crumble."



Lot of good for the EMPIRE it did, with you JOINING their ARMIES. You're starting to question whether MISSY was right ALL ALONG.

It's like COMMON SENSE is returning to you all of a sudden after a TWELVE MONTH VACANCY.



You walk up to DARTH BONDAGE to complete your training. He asks you why you wish to pursue the ways of the SITH JUGGERNAUT, to which you REPLY that considering all the EMOTIONAL ABUSE you've been going through recently, you might as well be considered a JUGGERNAUT of EMOTION yourself!

DARTH BONDAGE concludes that you're ultimately just a WUSS and need to TOUGHEN UP.

He shall be your master in these FINAL STAGES of your TRAINING, as you present him the SPECIAL "DARTHS AGAINST HUMANITY" PASSWORD for unlocking the SITH JUGGERNAUT CLASS: a combination of the cards "Whipping the saber out.", "Establishing dominance.", to equal "The art of Sith lovemaking." because it's not like this ADVENTURE wasn't already edging the borders of its PG-13 RATING.

In some rare cases, this CARD COMBINATION could double as a SAFE WORD in a SITH SPARRING SESSION, but don't push your luck.



DARTH BONDAGE has taught you the WONDROUS POWERS of BDSM!

You can now use the ABILITY "IGNORE PAIN" should you ever come across an UPHILL BATTLE against the ENEMY.



Congratulations, you have taken your first steps towards the SITH JUGGERNAUT ADVANCED CLASS! Sadly, it took you an ENTIRE ACT LONGER than the OTHER PROTAGONISTS to EVEN GET THERE.

Your capacity to take a POUNDING has now GREATLY INCREASED compared to ACT I.



You have also gained a level! Because when the game notifications start to RAIN, they POUR.



You are now a LEVEL 7 SITH JUGGERNAUT and you have gained a BONUS FREE POINT (read: PITY POINT) to BDSM which has replaced POWER as your UNIQUE ADVANCED CLASS ATTRIBUTE. No one liked POWER anyways.

Since you SKIPPED LEVEL 6 like a WIMP at the very end of ACT I, it is ASSUMED that you got those EXPERIENCE POINTS somewhere during the GREAT TIME SKIP of PLOT CONVENIENCY™ that occurred between the ACTS.

This means that you have TWO POINTS to SPEND in the following categories: SABER, HEALTH, BDSM, ETHICS, GIRLTALK, CHOKE, DANCE.

What do you choose?

 

He's already got two points in Girltalk. I worked with the logic that at this point, he can talk to women that he already knows - but not to complete strangers - that's locked behind Rank 3. It gives us some leeway to use the joke in appropriate times without it necessarily becoming stale and tired. Rank 4 and 5 will probably give him some sort of benefits to the equation, as they are the top tier.

You want this, don't you?