Featured GAME [Interactive Comic] Old Republic Paint Adventures

What? An ACTUAL suggestion that DOESN'T DERAIL the PLOT? No, no. We can't have this. We can't have this.

I'll place it in the next one, though. Couldn't really make it fit here without slowing down the flow.

SABER: "LOOK AT MY CAPE! MY CAPE IS AMAZING."
MISSY: "I have a crimson cloak. So, it's not really something special."
SABER: "SHUT UP, WOMAN! AND TOUCH MY SILKY CAPE."
MISSY: "No."



You DEVOLVE into performing an ESPECIALLY GIRLY DANCE that you've LEARNED from those RATCHETY GIRLS on NAR SHADDAA in the hopes that you make your point about your UNQUESTIONABLE COOLNESS FACTOR to RED.

RED won't BUDGE, no MATTER how BOUNCY your LOBSTER ASS really is!



You decide to NOT EMBARRASS yourself ANY FURTHER and instead convey your INTENTIONS via a SALES PITCH. Hey, it WORKED the LAST TIME! And there was only ONE ATTEMPT. Clearly, STATISTICS are on your SIDE!

SABER: "Why so blue, Red? Need some "cleaning house" to cheer you up? It'll be only a meager sum of ten credits and I'm the best around!"
MISSY: "Have I interpreted that correctly? You want me to clean your house? And PAY you for it?"
SABER: "You've never seen stuff like mine and I'm giving you the "You just saved my BT-0X discount"! You'll regret not getting a taste of Mr. Sab-"



MISSY DOESN'T DEAL IN DOMESTIC DUTIES! DAMN IT, SABER! SHE'S A SCIENTIST, NOT A HOUSEMAID!

SABER: "Fine! If you want to be dirty have it your way!"



You CLUMSILY ROLL OFF the ground into the NEARBY LAKE. Although, if we're being honest here, it looks more like a POND.

Not wanting to feel UTTERLY INCOMPETENT, and sensing RED'S HUNGER for QUALITY FOOD, you get one final BRIGHT IDEA.



You know what they say, if you don't JUMP the SHARK, the FISH will JUMP ANYWAY. FISH GYROS DARK SIDE SPECIAL™ coming right up, BABY.

There's just one problem. You don't know how to FORCE LIGHTNING.

What do you do?

 

Holy sh*t, that's dark. I love it.

You decide to STICK YOUR PUTRID, DISGUSTING, RED FACE in the POND-LAKE. Such HIDEOUSNESS is only rivaled by DARTH INHIDEOUS, and that's only because he's a SULLUSTAN. The fish CARE NOT for your FACE, and UNSURPRISINGLY, your STUPID THEORY falls into the WATER. No pun intended.

Speaking of WATER, this POND is SURPRISINGLY DEEP. You can SEE why they CALL it a LAKE. The SHITTY PERSPECTIVE only *MAKES* it LOOK like a POND.



You return to SHORE as MISSY sets up CAMP. Instead of EATING RAW FISH, you POINT in the DIRECTION of the IMPERIAL RESTAURANT and why you didn't actually BARRICADE in there. ALSO, why is it ON FIRE!?



BECAUSE the REPUBLIC is there, DOOFUS! You may be a LIGHT-SIDED FORCE USER, but you're STILL a SITH!

After MAKING PEACE with your SITUATION, you ask RED to SCIENCE UP the PLACE!



RED decides to be AN AGGRESSIVE MANIAC!

VOILA, ONE BASIC CAMPFIRE!



It seems the FIRE has BROKEN your ICE! Or was it melted?

SABER: "What the KRIFF, Red!?"
MISSY: "Oh, so you CAN talk, in fact!"



SABER: "Apparently, yes. People with mouths tend to do that."
MISSY: "Then why the rav'hn were you so silent?"
SABER: "I... uh, I have my issues, alright!?"
MISSY: "What? You can't converse with us Chiss?"
SABER: "Yeah... let's go with that. That sounds less embarrassing by a parsec."

MISSY: "Well, then, my fellow Imperial chap, what is your name?"
SABER: "I'm Darth Saber, Sith Lord of Ziost with a Master's Degree in Ethics."
MISSY: "That's the dumbest name I've ever heard."
SABER: "Well, excuse me, princess! It's not like I had any choice in the matter!"
MISSY: "Whoah, touched a nerve there?"
SABER: "It's a touchy subject, Red."



MISSY: "I'm actually Missth'raw'nuruodo."
SABER: "I'll stick to Red, thank you!"
MISSY: "I hate that nickname."
SABER: "And I hate my name. Feel that? There's enough self-loathing in the air to please the Dark Council! Those backward-thinking rednecks are the main reason why I left the Order. All about stabbing, and burning, and electrocuting... Why can't it be more about dancing? Or icecream? I love icecream."
MISSY: "Uh... no comment."

SABER: "What's your story, then? Chiss aren't often seen outside their territories. Has war called you to our part of the galaxy?"
MISSY: "In part. Grand Admiral Snote answered the call of our Imperial allies, but I doubt that's the only reason he made the trip, if we're being honest."



SABER: "Why aren't you with the rest of your happy troop?"
MISSY: "I left. All the bureaucracy and political bollocks infuriated me to end. I fled in an escape pod and crash-landed on Dantooine. This was about two weeks ago."
SABER: "And you're already an infamous outlaw? What happened there? More importantly, what in the Emperor's name is happening here in the first place!?"
MISSY: "I joined the droids that are now rampaging across Khoonda. Big mistake on my part! They're old Ascendancy models who broke free from our control due to a short-circuited wire frying up the restraining bolt of one of their units."
SABER: "The Secret Wire. I heard rumours."



MISSY: "Snote came to Dantooine to "deal" with them before they could cause potential harm. I thought the Secret Wire were fighting for freedom from the Ascendancy, but they're as vicious as all the rest."
SABER: "Dantooine is an imperial world, conquered by General Fux. Why are there so many Republic forces on the planet?"
MISSY: "I don't know if you've noticed but your dear friend, the General, left the occupational forces severely undermanned. The Republic just swooped down to seize the opportunity. They don't appear to be fully committed to their attack, however."
SABER: "What aboout the Chiss? I saw the fleet above Dantooine. They're holding the line!"
MISSY: "Yeah... I have a feeling the Ascendancy has betrayed the Empire."



SABER: "Man, this is kriffed up. One last question, Red, WHO are WHAT did you save me from?"
MISSY: "They're my former experiments."
SABER: "What!? You're the cause of this?"
MISSY: "I was under orders! Besides, I never finished the project! Someone must have taken my place."

SABER: "We're going to have to stop them, somehow."
MISSY: "You Sith Lords are always so delusional. We can't stop them on our own! I suggest we sit back, and watch the Secret Wire and the Dum-Dum clones take care of themselves for us."
SABER: "Then, where are we going?"
MISSY: "To the Secret Wire HQ. The Jedi Enclave."
SABER: "May I ask why?"
MISSY: "You may. The answer will be the same. I'll tell you when we get there."



MISSY knows her SH*T.

Since BORING CONVERSATION is now BEHIND YOU, you can finally ADVANCE this ASININE ROMANTIC SUBPLOT by DIVING into the GLORIOUS FOOD that you've just caught. Apparently, NEIMOIDANS prefer the FISH when it's eaten RAW. This is TOTALLY not a RACIST STEREOTYPE that you'll now be BREAKING like an UNCULTURED CRIMSON APE.



MISSY is NOT IMPRESSED with your SHENANIGANS because her CULTURE EATS FISH DIFFERENTLY. At this moment, to her, you are just some PRIMITIVE BARBARIAN from the EDGES of IMPERIAL SPACE.



SERIOUSLY, SABER. You should STOP NOW. One MORE BITE and you'll turn your STOMACH SICK!

Throwing up on a DAME will NO DOUBT end this SUBPLOT ENTIRELY. Oh, if only...



MISSY: "You are one odd fellow, you know that."



MISSY: "Let me show you how it's properly done. Pass me a fish so I can roast it on this convenient campfire I made!"

You DECIDE to IMPRESS your COMPANY with some FORCE POWERS! That always worked WONDERS for those HUNKY SITH LORDS who went to that COOL VIP SECTION of the KAAS CITY CANTINA. You know, the ONE that you were always FORBIDDEN to APPROACH.



SABER, YOU IDIOT!



Oh, but hey! At least you GAINED a LEVEL!



You are now a LEVEL 5 SITH WARRIOR, and even ANAKIN SKYWALKER is BETTER at INTERACTING with MEMBERS of the OPPOSITE SEX in comparison. You have ONE POINT to INVEST in the following categories: SABER, HEALTH, POWER, ETHICS, GIRLTALK, CHOKE and DANCE.

What do you do?