Last Movie You Watched

How could I not see that... HAHA

 

Back in the 90s I got dragged by various friends to see the movies for Super Mario Brothers, Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. Somehow I didn't get tricked into seeing Double Dragon, I may have even gone happily as I enjoyed that game more than the others they had made movies of. This makes those others look like masterpieces though. But thankfully, like those other awful movies there's a Rifftrax to make them actually enjoyable.

I'm not so sure the people who wrote this actually played the game. Unlike Mario Bros it had a pretty straight-forward plot that could have easily been expanded on. Gang kidnaps girl, two brothers beat up bad guys to save her. Instead it's some weird story about a businessman who is trying to take over a Los Angeles that is part post-apocalyptic but mostly 90's Nickelodeon, in order to do so he needs the Double Dragon amulet that was broken in two by some monks or something and he has one piece while the host of Iron Chef America and the guy from Party Of Five have the other half. It may sound more original than the game but really it's just a whole bunch of tropes from other movies thrown into a generic plot to save the world... or L.A. The stakes aren't too clearly defined, they just have to keep the bad guy from Terminator 2 from getting it. Though when he eventually does they are able to defeat him and get it back just by turning on the lights because the bad guy has sensitive corneas and his weakness is regular strength room lighting.

 

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The second movie used to come on HBO all the time when I was a kid so it was the first one I saw and didn't see the original until much later. The first House is a pretty decent/fun movie, more fantasy and comedy than horror but it was the 80s so it was rated R when today it would be PG-13 at the worst. House II is the PG-13 sequel that might be rated G today and is just straight fantasy comedy with nothing that could really be called horror once you get past the opening scene. I liked it as a kid and it's somewhat enjoyable now because it's so bizarre. It has very little to do with the first and feels more like a spiritual sequel. The third I haven't seen in forever but it has even less to do with it from what I remember and is more a slasher movie, so much so they didn't even release it as a House movie in the US. Not until the 4th movie do you get a direct sequel to the first but it's so bad it's best ignored.

 

Highlights from the recent movie binge: invasion movies.

Bushwick (2017). This one is very rough, intense, "on the ground" and generally action-packed. The movie is shot in very long continuous takes, it provides few opportunities to calm down and makes you feel very... uneasy most of the time. All of which conveys how hard it is to survive in a situation like this. Overall, I like it. Also, Bushwick is even more relevant to US situation now, than when it came out.

Extinction (2018). In the past year I've developed a taste for direct-to-streaming sci-fi movies. These movies, more often than not, tend to compensate their smaller budget with creativity and still look decent enough. Certainly a huge step up from dvd-movies from older days. Although I do feel that colour schemes and higher definition play a huge part in that. But still.
Extinction is one such movie. Sadly, I have learned about the plot more, than I should have, but I still enjoyed the movie well enough. Not as intense as Bushwick, but still competently made with good themes, great designs and nice pacing. Worth a watch if you like sci-fi war/action/survival movies.

No One Will Save You (2023). This one I absolutely love. Great artistic vision, gorgeous looking, extremely tense and unnerving with minimal dialogue. Highly recommend. Also, the main heroin is building dioramas, so instantly relatable to me

 

Meh

 

It's never made a whole lot of sense but it's still an awesome movie. Well there are a few ways it can make sense taken on it's own but the sequels just make things more confusing.