HUMOR Official Porg Cookbook 1.0 - Post your Recipes

You killed me with laughter!!!

 

Porg and rice gumbo

Hi, there, Mike Zeroh once again. BTW, U.K. Express.com has been picking up on my recipes and man I am sure getting famous.

I got this from my great, great grandpappy Zeroh

He was from Luzi'anna. He was known to have the intuition of voodoo witch from Endor.

This is from my great, great grandpappy Zeroh's actual own words from his diary. He was for sure from a galaxy, far far away...

First you gotta skin the hair off an Ewok. Don't worry it ain't fer eating. It's for ketching those pesky Porgs. Fer some odd dern reason Porgs love'em.

Once you ketch one, you plop that sunsa'biscuit in a frying pan on high. Kills'em quicker than Leia killed Jabba the Hutt.

Then you get an 'ol rusty pot an fill it full of greasy swampy water from the Dagobah system. Make sure it's the parts of teh swamp where Luke's X-WING sunk in it.

You then get some rice growing from some Batha poo. oh mah gawd, yer gonna love it.

You mix it in the Porgs and rice and rest of the stuff and stir 'til just about done. When it thickens you drop in an old dead carkus of a Tusken Raider. It's what gives it that mean nasty spicy taste. They was mean basterds.

Well that's it. Let it simmer fer a good 2 hours and you will have yer self some vittles. By the way, I got a great, great grandson who will knock yer socks off with some dandy leaks and spoilers from the new Star Wars movies in the future.

 

Well...this is a violent thread if i've ever seen one!

I...heard of one reciepe...but...its just a myth...no one knows how its made exactly.

Porgballs...yups!

 

Lucasfilm signed no licenceship deals for The Last Jedi with fastfood chains, so, sadly, this sandwich won't come into fruition.

 

I think they are called Ahch-To mountain oysters.

 

Dammit Finn...not everything i say is dirty...porg meatballs??!!

 

Omg... I CANT STOP LAUGHING THIS IS HYSTERICAL!!!!!!

--- Double Post Merged, Sep 25, 2017, Original Post Date: Sep 25, 2017 ---

I am making Buffalo porg wings for dinner lol

 

Of COURSE Porg MEATBALLS! Ohh thats easy. You get yourself the biggest porg you can find. Grab the little guy and cram him into the meatgrinder. Thenn, you mix bread crumbs olive oil and seasoning. Roll them into balls and cook them on a skillet.

 

You say this will be at McDonalds, and yet you also say it contains real Porg filets. I call BS. A McDonalds Porg sandwich would be made with 60% Porg meat - tops. The rest would be soy or womp rat or something.

 

Porg TV Dinner Surprise.

These are great for family get togethers and class reunions when you just can't think of anything to fix.
Guaranteed a surprise in every dinner box.

Catch a bunch of Porgs and line them up.

Smash them with a tank.

Scoop them and whatever else up with a shovel.

Wrap in cellophane

Freeze them in carbonate.

When ready de-freeze and happy eating.

 

I prefer a healthy option of smoked porg salad garnished with some koyo melons and Meiloorun fruit.

 

Hera would like that.

--- Double Post Merged, Sep 25, 2017, Original Post Date: Sep 25, 2017 ---

This will be officially known as the porg troll face. The last picture.

 

Ok. When I'm drunk I love this snack.

Ahch-To Porg Porg burrito

All you need are two Porgs

Take one porg and de-bone, slap it in a frying pan and flatten with spatula. This will be your Porg'tilla

Cook up one Porg as hamburger.

Get all your helpings from around the island.

Cheese from the milk of a sea monster

Lettuce from that five rigid natural growing herb growing wildly around the Island(wink, wink)

Cherry ripe tomatoes growing on the walls of the cave.

And homemade salsa from the big jar just outside the cave with that special ingredient the Island creates.

 

Lol!

 

My next recipe is..,

Deviled porg eggs!

Step 1: first get the porg eggs while the Porgs are asleep.

Step 2: boil the eggs for 20 minutes with salt and ghost pepper

Step 3: remove the shell from the egg and cut it in half and remove the yolk

Step 4: put the egg yolks in a bowl with with some mayonnaise, mustard, and ghost pepper and a teaspoon of blue milk.

Step 5: mix it all together and then put that mixture back in the whites of the egg.

Step 6: get some Porgs and kill them and remove their eye balls and then marinade them in barbecue sauce.

Step 7: then place the eyes in top of the egg yolk mixture.

Step 8: serve them to friends and don’t tell them those are real eye balls on the egg.

Step 9: then after they eat it tell them.

Step 10: I hope they enjoy it!

 

Great now I'm hungry. Maybe even hangry.