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The Cantina Mental Health Thread

Discussion in 'Random Discussion' started by Luuke22, Jul 29, 2015.

  1. WookieeMonster

    WookieeMonster \m/ \m/
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    Hello everyone. Been awhile since I was on this thread so I just thought I would check in. How's it been going for you all?
     
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  2. WookieeMonster

    WookieeMonster \m/ \m/
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    Just thought I would check in and see how everyone is doing. Hope all is well and if not, then hope things get better for all.
    \m/ \m/
     
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  3. ZebroGodilla

    ZebroGodilla Darklighter Ace

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    All is great here :)
     
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  4. WookieeMonster

    WookieeMonster \m/ \m/
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    Glad to hear it
    \m/ \m/
     
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  5. WhySoSidious

    WhySoSidious Rebel General

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    yes this sums it up perfectly
     
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  6. Suspiria

    Suspiria Rebel Official

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    Yes, I am fine over here as well!
     
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  7. Jake Wolfe

    Jake Wolfe Rebel Official

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    Well, I haven't been on here in a while... Hope the inactivity of this forum hasn't kept anyone from posting! I'll still be paying attention to this forum if anybody needs a friend :)

    Personally, I do have something to get off my chest. I feel a bit hurt and frustrated... I haven't been in the Cantina for several months, and I give somebody a neutral rating, only to have them get mad at me! It was honestly a huge turn off. Like, why should I come back on and try to love Star Wars with fellow fans, if they're just going to look for reasons to fight? I know that's an unfair thought/feeling, as almost everyone here is fantastic and welcoming, but it's hard for me to encounter people like that, because I don't take that kind of negativity very well. People "not liking" me, or getting mad at me when I haven't done anything to deserve it, is really hurtful. I'm a sensitive guy, lol. I just try to be fair and honest, while also forgiving, and generous with "the benefit of the doubt", but sometimes I get defensive right back at them.

    Anybody else have a similar issue?
     
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  8. Stormagadon

    Stormagadon Cantina Court Jester
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    Hey there, I figured I might step into this little band wagon and help and vent along with everybody else!

    I'm sorry about that, it's really annoying when that happens. As a mod, (and @ZebroGodilla can attest) we deal with this quite a bit too. It's different, but we know when people take things too seriously or not. I find it disappointing when people take things to extremes, but this place is far too much fun to give up just yet.
    I understand, I get a sinking feeling when I get a negative or neutral rating! But looking at your ratio, there's nothing to worry about! You have hundreds of likes, and you will only get more! Whether those are straight up likes, or wise, or great, or that great picture of Chewbacca laughing! You have plenty of reasons to not feel discouraged when you're here, there are plenty of people who still like you and your comments.

    So please, stay with us a little longer. :)

    2 Corinthians 1:3-7
     
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  9. Jake Wolfe

    Jake Wolfe Rebel Official

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    I appreciate that.

    I just wish I could effectively explain that I wasn't trying to come off in a hurtful way, and that I was only trying to engage and discuss. Because the other person is going through some really tough things in life, and it looks like their interaction with me was like the straw that broke the camel's back. And I never meant to come off in any kind of negative way. I just wish they could see it from my perspective.
     
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  10. Stormagadon

    Stormagadon Cantina Court Jester
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    I'm glad.

    Yes, I've been looking at the comments. I'm sorry you were there at the wrong place at the wrong time, that stinks. I'd recommend giving him some space for now, and see where things go from there.
    If he keeps going after you for no reason, contact one of the Staff or 1030th.
    But for now, pray for him. He's going through a lot, and hopefully he didn't mean all that he said.
     
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  11. Jake Wolfe

    Jake Wolfe Rebel Official

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    Do you think I could have worded my posts better?
     
  12. Stormagadon

    Stormagadon Cantina Court Jester
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    Hmm... Possibly for a few of your posts, but I don't think the situation lent itself to things being easy.
    Check yourself, see if you really would have said those in person. If so, good! Then check if there was a better way to say it too.
     
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  13. daffy72

    daffy72 Rebel Official

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    as im the guilty party ill attempt to explain my point of view.

    i see stuff constantly i would normally rate 'disagree' or 'dislike' or sometimes even 'clouded'
    i hate getting negative ratings. it just ruins 'my day' (looking in on here) for updates
    so since i know how much it bothers me i usually just go with the old adage 'if you cant say something nice, don't say anything at all' (and i dont add a rating and i move on)

    sometimes if someone posts an exceptionally negative or venomous post that everyone can see is scathing or irate ill 'post ironically' and give them something like an 'optimistic'


    thats what i try and stick to anyway

    just forget i said anything Jake Wolfe
    ive only had a few hours sleep the last few days so my patience is non existent right now.


    *edit*
    lol and as i typed this more negative ratings just keep rolling on in
    why dear god did i ever mention bb was a girl? *sighs*
     
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  14. Jake Wolfe

    Jake Wolfe Rebel Official

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    No hard feelings here, my friend. I think most of us have taken ratings hard at times. It kind of comes down to the same thing that Facebook has been avoiding with the fabled "Dislike" button: It's just too vague, and comes off in a bad way. Better to discuss and understand, than to rate something negatively. Negative ratings lack the humanity of a discussion.

    Honestly, I think I'm ready to throw my support to getting rid of the negative ratings. I think the neutral ratings are fine, though, as disagreeing is not inherently negative (hence, better than the inherently negative ratings). But the negative ratings, on the other hand, make it too easy to insert negativity. It might also be a good idea to only allow positive ratings to show up on profiles, too, that way people don't feel like they're being made to look bad just because someone doesn't agree with something they say. I'm also not sure the "trolling" rating serves any purpose. I think a trolling rating is something better submitted to a mod/admin for decision (regarding deletion of a post), than as a badge of dishonor. Same with the other negative ratings. As they're so easy to give, they sometimes aren't taken seriously enough, and people can sometimes give negative ratings just out of spite.

    Maybe the ratings on a post should be separated by section, too. Positive, neutral, negative, that way the negative and neutral ratings won't get confused. Because I know "Clouded" and "Disagree" come off as negative, though they're classified as "Neutral".
     
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  15. daffy72

    daffy72 Rebel Official

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    yeah the troll is left over from when they still had 'dumb' too (as if THAT isnt asking to start a fight)

    its too bad negative ratings don't cost Credits or trophy points or something
     
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  16. Jake Wolfe

    Jake Wolfe Rebel Official

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    Now that is an interesting idea... People would definitely take it more seriously then.
     
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  17. Stormagadon

    Stormagadon Cantina Court Jester
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    I want to rant about something.
    Also, I'm generally not as prideful or arrogant as this seems, it's just the struggle I have when writing about myself. So please, with an open and heart and mind, hear my vexations.

    I don't want to get into the details of this for the sake keeping people's identify safe, and I really don't want to gossip, but I'm ticked something fierce.
    Anyway, this past summer I was one of two drama coordinators with a summer ministry at the Jersey shore.
    (A little info about myself quickly: I'm an actor, you can argue if I am professional, but that's my goal, and people say I act like one, and I've been paid for various gigs and productions, so from my and others perspective, I am)
    Now, I've worked with this ministry for a couple years, mostly as a kid from a youth group who visited for a week, but in 2014 I was staff there for the whole summer. And I acted at least 2/3rds of everything we did there. The following summer (that would be this summer) the last drama coordinator wanted to hike across the country, so I was asked to take his place. However, not having a lot of experience in leadership, the job was split with this gal who just married someone else who has worked the past couple summers here.
    The issue? I'm a professional, (I was told by the director of this very ministry that the drama last year was made very professional by my work, talent, etc.) This gal is not. Also, a big difference in vision for what we think the drama should be here. And on top of things, there was no clear definitive line that separated our duties, so basically we switched every week on what we were supposed to do.
    I will skip what happened over the summer, because there's too much. At the end of this brutal summer (there were also a lot of other issues, personal and professionally), the director had an exit interview with me to see how running a third of the show, and stuff like that went.
    I told him all the issues there were with being partnered with this gal, professionally speaking of course. He agreed full heartily. I told him, simply put, that I will not work with her again, and if I come back I want things to be very different. He even added if I come back, I will have full reign! So with that, I said goodbye to the ministry and all three friends left, and not so tearfully headed back home.

    Well, I've suddenly had the desire to go back this summer. Despite the troubles and trials and struggles and people, I would go because that's where I'm supposed to be. But! Here's the annoying bit:
    (to make a short story long)
    I got an email from the ministry with a "Christmas list" of stuff they could use, and in there I saw a lot of things that scream they were requested by this gal. Then the other day I was chatting with some friends about my desire to go back, and needing to call the director soon about what I'll be doing if I go. Then one of them, (who has been on staff the past couple of years, and whose older sister has been a leader there even longer), mentioned that she heard some things from her sister who had just talked to the director, and that I may not be happy with some stuff.
    And now he is on vacation, and can't get a hold of him until Monday. So I don't know what's going, but based off what I've told you all and the details that fill this tale... I'm angry.
    I don't know why he hasn't run this by me because he says he respects my opinion, and he told me about the issues he had with this gal in charge of the drama!
    I'm confused because (without being prideful or arrogant), he sang my praises. Because he's been very thankful for the work I've done, and agreed with my views on why this summer wasn't very effective with drama aspect.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated, or at least some sympathy! Thanks for reading and hearing my rant.

    God bless.
     
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  18. HAL'sgal

    HAL'sgal Force Sensitive

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    @Stormagadon
    It's really hard to see someone who is not performing up to your standards take over something you worked hard for, and loved doing.

    But, I think what happened here is that in the past few months, the girl made it clear she'd love to come back this coming summer, and started to make plans for what she wanted to do. From what I understand, you didn't intend to go back, and now have changed your mind, which is fine. But things got set in motion while you were out of the loop. I think the ministry director felt like he had to work with what he was given (the girl) and perhaps is also trying to help her live up to her potential. It's not meant as a slight to you, really it's not.

    But, I would also like to say that you don't really know for sure what's going on, you've seen some things and heard some things, but you haven't been in touch with the director. I can tell you right now that in the absence of facts, we can all imagine some pretty wacky things (just look at the speculation on these threads :)) that do not resemble reality. It's completely natural to imagine the worst. But you just don't have all the facts- actually, you have very few.

    So spend this weekend reflecting on all the positive things about this ministry (there must be many, or you wouldn't want to go back!). Let the anger pass so that you can speak calmly and maturely with the director on Monday. Maybe make a "Christmas list" of what YOU'D like to do, and see what he says. And when you talk with him, don't immediately say "no" or "yes" to coming back. Take a few days to reflect on what he has to say, if possible. And keep us posted.
     
    #118 HAL'sgal, Dec 4, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2015
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  19. Jake Wolfe

    Jake Wolfe Rebel Official

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    I empathize with you 100%. When I was a leader, and even after, I had major issues with an older leader who was the youth pastor's best friend. He's an abusive man, and a hypocrite, and my word was never enough to remove him from leadership, even though his treatment of both students, leaders, and his own girlfriend at the time, were deplorable. But he put on quite a show. As they say, a wolf in sheep's clothing. They can be very convincing.

    I also had a disagreement with another leader once, and so I decided to talk to her, and I realized I had completely misread her.

    Now these are obviously not the same case as what you're dealing with, but what I've learned from these situations, and from what I believe, you have to remain humble. Compassion, empathy, and understanding are key. Your view and understanding may well be correct, but being Human, you are fallible, and should remain courteous, and generous. Give the benefit of the doubt. Discuss this with the director, or consider a polite discussion (or just getting to know, personally) the other counselor.

    Ultimately, formality and professionalism are not the pinacle of Godliness (though they can certainly be good things). Personality, humility, generosity, and love can sometimes clash with what society considers professional. (If you'd like some applicable Scriptural references, feel free to PM me)

    Those are my thoughts, I hope something of that gave you some ideas, or encouraged you, or gave you some peace abut the situation! Remember, it's for the kids, right? ;)

    EDIT: I think @HAL'sgal said it best. I totally agree with all of that. Wise words.
     
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  20. Stormagadon

    Stormagadon Cantina Court Jester
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    Thanks, I really appreciate your input.
    And you're right about this gal having decided to come back, which is okay (and she was talking about that at the end of the summer), but it's mainly the fact that the director told me about his issues and concerns if she comes back, and that regardless if I return for the summer, he wants my input for the drama.

    But I will and have been taking your advice and taking this weekend to cool my jets, and think and pray.
    And it was the good stuff of being there that made me want to go back in the first place, and I have until the end of the month to confirm if I will return.

    Thank you too,
    Yeah, I've my share of wolfs in sheep clothing too. Thankfully my situation isn't that bad. And unfortunately, I had all summer to get to know this gal, work with her, and just have normal interaction to get to know from different perspectives... and that's why I still disagree with her...

    And I certainly agree that professionalism is not the point of being Godly, and I would give up my career to be Godly! But in my defense, people liked my work because it was Christ centered, to the point, I spent a lot of time in prayer and reading the Bible over what I wrote, and on top of that it was done professionally.
    And I was more than willing to scrap my stuff if it wasn't Biblical, because the point of the drama was to proclaim the Gospel.

    I was brought on as coordinator because I understand what makes a good story. The technical and practical aspects of it all. And again, I'm not saying that out of pride or arrogance, it's simply who I am as an actor, and why there were issues.

    p.s Someone describe a few of my skits I did with a friend as being like "Real life VeggieTales!" That made me happy!


    Thanks again to both of you, you've both been encouraging and insightful! I'll let you know when I hear back, and see where things stand.
     
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