The Cantina Mental Health Thread

Hello everyone. Been awhile since I was on this thread so I just thought I would check in. How's it been going for you all?

 

Just thought I would check in and see how everyone is doing. Hope all is well and if not, then hope things get better for all.
\m/ \m/

 

All is great here

 

Glad to hear it
\m/ \m/

 

yes this sums it up perfectly

 

Yes, I am fine over here as well!

 

Well, I haven't been on here in a while... Hope the inactivity of this forum hasn't kept anyone from posting! I'll still be paying attention to this forum if anybody needs a friend

Personally, I do have something to get off my chest. I feel a bit hurt and frustrated... I haven't been in the Cantina for several months, and I give somebody a neutral rating, only to have them get mad at me! It was honestly a huge turn off. Like, why should I come back on and try to love Star Wars with fellow fans, if they're just going to look for reasons to fight? I know that's an unfair thought/feeling, as almost everyone here is fantastic and welcoming, but it's hard for me to encounter people like that, because I don't take that kind of negativity very well. People "not liking" me, or getting mad at me when I haven't done anything to deserve it, is really hurtful. I'm a sensitive guy, lol. I just try to be fair and honest, while also forgiving, and generous with "the benefit of the doubt", but sometimes I get defensive right back at them.

Anybody else have a similar issue?

 

I appreciate that.

I just wish I could effectively explain that I wasn't trying to come off in a hurtful way, and that I was only trying to engage and discuss. Because the other person is going through some really tough things in life, and it looks like their interaction with me was like the straw that broke the camel's back. And I never meant to come off in any kind of negative way. I just wish they could see it from my perspective.

 

Do you think I could have worded my posts better?

 

as im the guilty party ill attempt to explain my point of view.

i see stuff constantly i would normally rate 'disagree' or 'dislike' or sometimes even 'clouded'
i hate getting negative ratings. it just ruins 'my day' (looking in on here) for updates
so since i know how much it bothers me i usually just go with the old adage 'if you cant say something nice, don't say anything at all' (and i dont add a rating and i move on)

sometimes if someone posts an exceptionally negative or venomous post that everyone can see is scathing or irate ill 'post ironically' and give them something like an 'optimistic'


thats what i try and stick to anyway

just forget i said anything Jake Wolfe
ive only had a few hours sleep the last few days so my patience is non existent right now.

*edit*
lol and as i typed this more negative ratings just keep rolling on in
why dear god did i ever mention bb was a girl? *sighs*

 

No hard feelings here, my friend. I think most of us have taken ratings hard at times. It kind of comes down to the same thing that Facebook has been avoiding with the fabled "Dislike" button: It's just too vague, and comes off in a bad way. Better to discuss and understand, than to rate something negatively. Negative ratings lack the humanity of a discussion.

Honestly, I think I'm ready to throw my support to getting rid of the negative ratings. I think the neutral ratings are fine, though, as disagreeing is not inherently negative (hence, better than the inherently negative ratings). But the negative ratings, on the other hand, make it too easy to insert negativity. It might also be a good idea to only allow positive ratings to show up on profiles, too, that way people don't feel like they're being made to look bad just because someone doesn't agree with something they say. I'm also not sure the "trolling" rating serves any purpose. I think a trolling rating is something better submitted to a mod/admin for decision (regarding deletion of a post), than as a badge of dishonor. Same with the other negative ratings. As they're so easy to give, they sometimes aren't taken seriously enough, and people can sometimes give negative ratings just out of spite.

Maybe the ratings on a post should be separated by section, too. Positive, neutral, negative, that way the negative and neutral ratings won't get confused. Because I know "Clouded" and "Disagree" come off as negative, though they're classified as "Neutral".

 

yeah the troll is left over from when they still had 'dumb' too (as if THAT isnt asking to start a fight)

its too bad negative ratings don't cost Credits or trophy points or something

 

Now that is an interesting idea... People would definitely take it more seriously then.

 

@Stormagadon
It's really hard to see someone who is not performing up to your standards take over something you worked hard for, and loved doing.

But, I think what happened here is that in the past few months, the girl made it clear she'd love to come back this coming summer, and started to make plans for what she wanted to do. From what I understand, you didn't intend to go back, and now have changed your mind, which is fine. But things got set in motion while you were out of the loop. I think the ministry director felt like he had to work with what he was given (the girl) and perhaps is also trying to help her live up to her potential. It's not meant as a slight to you, really it's not.

But, I would also like to say that you don't really know for sure what's going on, you've seen some things and heard some things, but you haven't been in touch with the director. I can tell you right now that in the absence of facts, we can all imagine some pretty wacky things (just look at the speculation on these threads ) that do not resemble reality. It's completely natural to imagine the worst. But you just don't have all the facts- actually, you have very few.

So spend this weekend reflecting on all the positive things about this ministry (there must be many, or you wouldn't want to go back!). Let the anger pass so that you can speak calmly and maturely with the director on Monday. Maybe make a "Christmas list" of what YOU'D like to do, and see what he says. And when you talk with him, don't immediately say "no" or "yes" to coming back. Take a few days to reflect on what he has to say, if possible. And keep us posted.

 

I empathize with you 100%. When I was a leader, and even after, I had major issues with an older leader who was the youth pastor's best friend. He's an abusive man, and a hypocrite, and my word was never enough to remove him from leadership, even though his treatment of both students, leaders, and his own girlfriend at the time, were deplorable. But he put on quite a show. As they say, a wolf in sheep's clothing. They can be very convincing.

I also had a disagreement with another leader once, and so I decided to talk to her, and I realized I had completely misread her.

Now these are obviously not the same case as what you're dealing with, but what I've learned from these situations, and from what I believe, you have to remain humble. Compassion, empathy, and understanding are key. Your view and understanding may well be correct, but being Human, you are fallible, and should remain courteous, and generous. Give the benefit of the doubt. Discuss this with the director, or consider a polite discussion (or just getting to know, personally) the other counselor.

Ultimately, formality and professionalism are not the pinacle of Godliness (though they can certainly be good things). Personality, humility, generosity, and love can sometimes clash with what society considers professional. (If you'd like some applicable Scriptural references, feel free to PM me)

Those are my thoughts, I hope something of that gave you some ideas, or encouraged you, or gave you some peace abut the situation! Remember, it's for the kids, right?

EDIT: I think @HAL'sgal said it best. I totally agree with all of that. Wise words.